Month: October 2003


A Non-Happy Hallow-weenie

Oh you gotta love this shit… – Girls pummel man who exposed himself – Oct. 31, 2003

PHILADELPHIA, Pennsylvania (Reuters) — A man described by authorities as a known sexual predator was chased through the streets of South Philadelphia by an angry crowd of Catholic high school girls, who kicked and punched him after he was tackled by neighbors, police said Friday.

Catholic School Girls Gone Wild!!!! Kicking ass and taking names at a video store near you! Content is kid safe because, damnit, the Pope and the nuns at school wouldn’t look forward to it being any other way! :biggrin

Seriously though – i knew girls who had crazy bastards do this to them before – flash them and what not — and I like seeing a sexual predator like this get is come-uppance


I feel like right now every perception I have is false. I feel like every desire I have had is just a fantasy and that I am not allowed to truly experience them.

I feel like I’ve painted a picture of people and that they aren’t the true images of those people – the true images are an uglier color that doesn’t have a rosie meaning.

I can’t get rid of my misperceptions and only have torture of my soul when I see clearly.

Then again, my soul is a constant tortured mass that has been cursed by one power that be or another.

What have I done to deserve such a fate
I realize I have left it too late
And so it’s true, pride comes before a fall
I’m telling you so that you won’t lose all

The rut

…grows deeper and deeper each day.

Surgery doesn’t seem that far off on the horizon – I need to make a move with that if certain agencies would get back to me.

And there’s stuff I want to ramble about in here but it’s too late, tonight to drag the past out into the light…. Or too late period, unless someone else figured a resurrection was worth it.


If I don’t already have enough of this in my life….

I was rejected from Glimmer Train Press’ Very Short Fiction contest. :sad

One down, two to go…

Writers…. 

Ever struggle to just do basic things in writing — like your own private journal?

Or assignments hanging over your head?

Or emails?

Or anything that requires some work?

That’s me right now :sad


The weekend with my legs totally sucked. I had hurt my ankle on Friday and didn’t know how bad it was until Saturday when I couldn’t walk on it any more. On Sunday I was confined to my room and only able to get up and around again on Monday.

Things seem a lot better today – Tuesday — but Bob, my physical therapist, is telling me that the tumor is really fucking up the works for me and I need to have that removed one way or another.

Yes, I know this — I know it quite well. The problem is the consequences of surgery which is making me delay any decision.

You see, I live at home still because of my medical condition and that house happens to be 2 stories. My friends know this, but for some of my other readers who have been on the site lately, I know you don’t.. This tumor that is screwing up my legs — when it’s removed, may cost my use of my legs, period. That presents a problem for me because my house is not disabled friendly and my parents plan post-op doesn’t work. They want to change the den and laundry room into an apartment (no windows mind you ) for my disabled ass. When I talk about finding an alternative – they seem to think I am bullshitting. I do NOT want to continue living in this house, I do not want to live in a sarcophagus and have it defined as a room. I can’t LEAVE the house when I am in a wheelchair right now because of quirks around the house that make it tough for a wheelchair bound person to move around and get out. I can’t get around the house when I am in a wheelchair because of halls not being wide enough and what not.

And they want me to stay because it’s the simplest answer for them – do something that makes their lives easier while I suffer. “Just as long as you don’t interrupt us smoking our cigarettes and playing our computer games and watching our sitcoms, everything will be fine.” :sad

That’s not the truth – the last few months have proven that not to entirely be the truth but at the same time, it’s a long standing truth that shows up at one point or another. I think accepting their solution is just along the lines of this — “Don’t second guess us — take what we give you and don’t give us grief….even if our solution gives you grief.”


REALLY great show of Support for Kobe

Oh yeah, this is really going to convince me that we should give Kobe Bryant the benefit of the doubt — a crazy asshole / convicted rapist is lobbying to clear Kobe because — hey! Rough sex is rough sex and all athletes deserve a little pussy now and again :rolleyes :puke

In other sports news — Grady Little got the axe after blowing Game 7 of the ALCS by leaving in his pitcher just a BIT too late…

:woot :woot :woot :woot :woot

Too Little, too late though….

OK, he's a wacko but an eloquently speaking wacko….

Al Sharpton may have just ended Joe Lieberman’s presidential campaign with some stern words that sent the Fox Theater in Detroit, Michigan (oooh, it’s a franchise) into a standing, raucous ovation.

He won’t get out of the primaries – but damnit, Al’s been one of the best speakers at the debates. Someone who’s cut through others bullshit and been witty to boot. Amen, brother…

A jovial refrain of Na Na Na;s

I don’t know what it is about this song but after watching the video performance of the song, after listening to it for years, I can find some comfort in it when I am at either emotional extreme – when things seem right or things are wrong.

Wrong being what they’ve been for a while now…

At any rate, the song is Hey Jude. I doubt anyone else finds the euphoria or the comfort in the song that I find every time I hear it… I can get lost in the music (or just get lost in the sound) and I can also read the lyrics at one point or another and find some shred of hope… This stanza for example….

So let it out and let it in, hey Jude, begin
You’re waiting for someone to perform with
And don’t you know that it’s just you, hey Jude, you’ll do
The movement you need is on your shoulder

Julian Lennon is really a lucky son of a bitch when I think about it. I mean, the guy has gone through hell (his own personal one) but this song is a song for him — McCartney came up with it on a drive over to see Julian during his parents divorce and was trying to cheer him up with the song. They’ve always been friends from what I know…

And anytime you feel the pain, hey Jude, refrain
Don’t carry the world upon your shoulders
For well you know that it’s a fool who plays it cool
By making his world a little colder

Sorry I haven’t been paying attention to that verse, Paul… It would seem that is something I need to remember in the future — that being merry or attempting a positive demeanor even when things are grim are better than foolishly bringing down the world around you and bumming those around you out.

The other verses are great too, but unfortunately they don’t hold true in this portion of my life. I practiced them when they were possible – as best I could – and instead of things ending in a euphoric refrain, the melody was turned off and the chorus was shunned.

Oh when can I start to make things better? How can I start to make things better? A few Na-Na-Na’s aren’t going to accomplish that….


OH MY GOD!!!!!!


(side note — if I saw Chicago vs. Florida as a sign, what kind of sign should I take THIS as?!?!? :biggrin)

Congratulations to Miami fans! At least THIS team isn’t going to be gutted next year!!!

Got any Yankees? GO FISH!

I’m not that big of a Marlins fan — but please, oh please dear Lord… Let the Fish win this thing!

Sunk again

The smart ass in me is alive and well lately as I am noticing but my humor is increasingly sarcastic and mired with doubts of every sort with regards to things around me right now.

It’s funny, I’ve been reading other blogs (Defective Yeti for example, Plenty of others that get sent my way by Mel and through my own glances at ) and no one I’ve seen is getting this personal about whining or about their lives (I haven’t seen at least) unless they have an entertaining anecdote or something….

My anecdotes don’t even tell the full story and some people think this is a good way to gauge my life :rolleyes Maybe I’ll have an amusing or entertaining anecdote sometime soon? I could really use a change of pace, honest. Enough of this shit-on-by-life, pushed-aside, maligned, used, abused and just phuckered in general bullshit which I am putting up with.

In a play of words from the LA Woman

Motel, Money, Murder, Madness
Lets change the mood from SAD to GLADNESS

….if “gladness” is even a word…?

w0r7h 1ooo pwnz j00

Oh My God….

Worth 1000’s If Hackers Ruled contest

I especially love “7h3 L0rds Pr4y0r”, “Kill Bill”, and a Batman Forever variant

* blogger’s note – unless you are computer literate, web savvy and L337, you likely won’t get these jokes.

When I need a pick-me-up….

When I gotta laugh….

When I need to heave and choke on humor….

When things are bleak or members of each gender define the words “bitch” or “asshole”….

I can always count on to make things right in the world once again… Well maybe not, but it gets me to the point I wanna piss myself with laughter….

Lilt I got in a fight one time with a really big guy, and he said, “I’m going to mop the floor with your face.” I said, “You’ll be sorry.” He said, “Oh, yeah? Why?” I said, “Well, you won’t be able to get into the corners very well.”

And-1 Some people are like Slinkies . . . not really good for anything, but you still can’t help but smile when you see one tumble down the stairs.

ThatIsDamnGood: Stupidity is an inexhaustible natural resource
ThatIsDamnGood: Someday we’ll learn to generate electrical power from it
ThatIsDamnGood: And it will change the world

Murdoc sometimes i wonder if the fig leaf on Eve’s twat is actually an air freshener

pleb hey how long does it take to get back the results from a fertility test?
Ouroboros Do you have a girlfriend?
pleb yeah
Ouroboros 9 months.

**sigh** Ah, Bash… I love you so… :kiss

(and mind you, folks, these things get a lot raunchier than what I cared to post on my site :smile)

Queer guys and the web cam eye

During the past few weeks / months I’ve been on Camarades / again with my streaming web cam… Personally I can’t view other’s cams for some reason but everyone can view mine. I take this as a way to meet new people to talk to… Or not…

You see, I’ve gotten three distinct types of reactions to having my web cam on and I take offense to all three in one way or another.

The first reaction comes from the homosexual community. No offense to any gays out there — I’m not trying to dis some of you or anything, but asking “Are you gay?” to a guy who has “I AM NOT GAY” on his camera web page just makes you look dim — along with other things. I mean, I am starting to truly understand how much women online get pissed off when guys come onto them to start a conversation. Between the gay comments and guys asking me how often I give myself self-pleasure or something to that extent, it just… eh… UGH…

I got no problem with holding a human conversation with a gay guy, but talking about my sex life… that’s a no no.

The second reaction I get is from the fakers. Who are these? They tend to be either guys posing as girls or girls who aren’t very self confident so they attempt to cover up with pictures of models as who they are. Some go so far as getting a bunch of porn pictures and pushing that as who they are. “Who took these pictures?” “Oh, my sister, she’s crazy.”

Right, you’re going to let your sister take pictures of you taking of your top and rubbing your tits… I believe that :rolleyes

The third distinct type of reaction I get on here — I haven’t gotten very often lately. I’ve gotten it in the past but not so much in the present (thankfully). This is the “Simon says” reaction where everyone requests you do something for them. Them specifically. “Can you take your glasses off.” “Wave at the camera” “Is this real time? Can you stand up and sit down so I can see if this is really happening now?” “Lemme see your penis!”


Folks, when I have that cam on there is one reason I have it on and one reason alone – for me. If I have friends viewing that camera – then I am joking around on it. I’d like to meet people and talk to them, but I’m not getting into X-Rated discussion with Joe from Denmark who’s waiting for Bob to come over so they can practice there new game, Sodomy by Monitor light. I’m not going to talk about how many times me and Rosie Red Palm date with Susan who is watching 6 kids and eating Oreos as she types. I do have those types of discussions but with people I know and am close to. Not with Joe or Jane Schmoe who I have just met off a camera web site, or someone i have talked to for only a few minutes / hours / days.

Looking in all the wrong places

Someone from HS pops up on the web and you can’t get their email… unless you pay

Actually you can if you search hard enough. I guess I haven’t because I just can’t find the damn thing wherever I look….

In other news, you can review the comments on the test I gave if you want to know results or just want to comment on the damn thing….

Not much else to report- unproductive week and my legs aren’t doing well at all. I really need to stop pussyfooting around with things and get my ass in gear with something or other to mend my situation.

Deanfilter continued

So I’m continuing to try to help out DeanFilter any way I can today. I’ve been posting on it a good bit and posting the URL on Howard Dean’s Blog along with asking some of my friends form other forums to come check it out…

Or course, that doesn’t always get people to come over… but it’s the attempt that matters.

The Lou One has Spoken

SO what’s up with Assignment Six and the Long Ridge Writers Group?

I got my last assignment back Monday and things were sort of discouraging with it. Not that I screwed up anywhere or my concept story wasn’t good enough… Just the fact I guess things weren’t as well as I wanted them to be even though I thought they were good,. The concept, the title, etc…

Going back and doing the story now, after I sent in the synopsis that Lou edited doesn’t seem to be what I want to do… I’m conflicted what I will do…

How WELL do you know me?

OK — you think you know John huh? Well, my friends, here’s your chance to test your knowledge on me! BUAHAHAHAHAHA

Click here to test your knowledge on John

**Edit** December 9th, 2003: I’ve found out this entry on the Journal is so friggin’ popular on the search engines that I re-established the quiz for Shits and giggles and what not… The questions are mostly different but there are a few that are the same.


There will most likely be another entry tonight but I wanted to invite anyone interested in Politics and specifically the Howard Dean campaign to check out and it’s new Forum format….

It’s a great place to discuss the 2004 election. Of course — it’s also still in the process of being designed… Your input counts, ya know? :wink

Reloaded Ramblings

Well, I’ve been feeling :puke since late last night. Honestly, I was up until 6 AM because my stomach was doing knots and I couldn’t have slumber sweep me away. It didn’t help that I had stayed in bed until noon the day before….:sleepy I gotta get back to normal hours.

At any rate, Mike gave me The Matrix Reloaded as requested as a late birthday present (speaking of late birthday’s – my silence towards other’s birthday’s is only because of other’s silence twoards mine). I had seen the movie back in June so it wasn’t like I was unaware what happened…

But come on, folks… you should know me. Well, maybe you don’t. I happen to be deaf and use a device to help me hear — but most conversations are tough on me. So I depend on captions with TV and the like.

What does this have to do with Re-Woah-ded? It’s time for my delayed review on the film now that i understand just WTF was going on (not to say I didn’t through watching the movie with just the images on screen).

I look at this movie and I watch it and after dropping all the rehetoric — “It’s about choice”, “Cause and effect”, “It’s understanding that choice and why you made it” and all the other stuff — I find the film’s aim to be about Faith. Undying faith.

How did I jump to this conclusion? Neo being ridiculed by the Architect for having hope. The fact that Morpheus is at a cross roads (“I have lived a dream and now that dream is gone from me.”), and how much the people of Zion and even the machines must believe in Neo — or believe in themselves for that matter — in order to survive the coming onslaught from the Machines.

There’s the love story that you see in this film which is faith in a bond between two people (sidenote – the scene with the cave and Neo making it with Trinity could have been edited out and re-shot with just the two of them in bed in the warm afterglow. That might have moved the movie along faster).

I don’t know, maybe I am missing something here — maybe I just enjoy the movie enough to not care to see the contradictions that the critics are talking about… I see this as a film of faith. As will Revolutions end up being.

Keanu Reeves has said the movies are about “Birth, Life and Death” which scares me a bit because I don’t want to see Neo get killed off to save everyone else. I want to see everyone else saved somehow with Neo leading the way…..

Oh well, so much as for that.

I got my writing assignment back from Herr Fisher and need to work on that sometime soon. I don’t know when I will however. Sorta discouraged and sort of just blah right now with writing — though this entry came off my mind/fingers pretty well. We’ll see what happens.

Play along

  1. Country::
  2. G::
  3. Offer::
  4. Connection::
  5. Quest::
  6. Lighthouse::
  7. Sycamore::
  8. Inhumane::
  9. Sneer::
  10. Weapon::

More Unconscious Mutterings. My answers are in the extended entry…
Read More


If someone would like to throw me a life preserver, please…. I don’t know how much more of this life I can take….


Some people in the world will never have to experience the nuisance of a muscle pull or will barely notice it. Others will never have to go through the aches of a broken limb and the difficulties that transpire because of it. Some will never meet someone with Downs Syndrome in person or perchance will never see someone who is wheelchair bound – if you can believe that.

Some people will go through life never having limped around for weeks because of a sprained ankle. Some people will never know how demoralizing it is to go through the world in a wheelchair when certain places in the world do not consider you a person. Some people will never know how it feels to have muscles fail on you not from exertion but because of injury…

Some will go most of there lives without being in the hospital for more than a couple of hours to see a birth. While others won’t even comprehend or try to understand the limitations that people have and the difficulties these people have going through life.

Blind. Deaf. Amputee. Arthritis. Those are just some basic things that can limit someone…

The whole catch to this is trying to understand these people and the problems they face. Most of you — and I am assuming about the reader base — will never have to know some of these problems and I’m glad to know it. Others know it full well. Some can comprehend, some can’t. Some won’t even try and I pity them…. Others think they know it but demoralize in there attempts to help.

Here’s hoping you never have to go through some of the shit I am right now — struggling to do basic things, struggling to make my life feel normal (which it isn’t). Here’s hoping you can comprehend the difficulties that others face… And that you’ll know how to act (and not avoid, or look away) when faced with problems from others or even yourself.

Something Fishy here

All right, I admit, I was a !Fishy! addict up until a few minutes ago. I would continiously play this game and try to eat as many fish as possible… Very fun, good way to waste time…

Well, until Beat the damned thing…

Yuck the Fankees

Grady Little is the biggest fucking chump of all time.

“Duh…. Lets see, Pedro looks worn out.. . Ah… wait for the tie game.. yeah… then yank him!”

Forget Buckner and forget the other goats the Red Sox have dealt with — it’s the managers who keep screwing the pooch. McNamara put in a shitty Schiraldi and kept Buckner in after Subbing the guy in late innings all year…

But even Little trumped him by keeping Martinez in too long on 4 days rest…

Manoir de Valotte — façons échappant à d'autres

Julian Lennon

Ever since you’ve been leaving me
I’ve been wanting to cry
Now I know how it feels for you
I’ve been wanting to die

But it’s much too late for goodbyes
Yes it’s much too late for goodbyes

Time has come since I’ve been with you
We’ve been starting to die
Now it seems you don’t care for me
and I don’t understand why

But it’s much to late for goodbyes
Yes it’s much too late for goodbyes

Ever since you’ve been far away
I’ve been wanting to fly
Now I know what you meant to me
I’m the one who should cry

And it’s much too late for goodbyes
Yes it’s much too late for goodbyes

© 1984 Charisma Music/Chappell Music.

My heart is…

….with Boston tonight.


And on a lighter note, the Abolish the DH petition site is finally fixed. Heh. Took me a year……

…as a child

There was a lot in this dream and a lot I can’t remember now. Most of the images don’t stand out in my head any more but I know when I dreamed there was a plot and a point to things. Everything made sense at the time, as dreams normally do, and even though random strange events came into being – things turned out OK.

I remember Pepsi. Having a glass while talking with my mom… I remember getting the mail with my mailbox in the back yard, and there being a ton of mail to bring in. I remember the family cars being different and having some strange abilities to them. Well, not strange abilities to them, but the trunks were different. They were funky and 4-doors themselves.

It was my neighbor from across the street who stands out in the dream — who it turned out to be and what was going on. It was a special day for her and for some reason there were two of them in that house: one was a newborn infant that was being tended to by her mother while the other that I dealt with was a kid… a little kid that claimed she was 12 but was obviously a lot younger than that. She talked but barely listened. Preached but couldn’t comprehend when told something.

I can’t remember much more to the dream… what else happened before me waking up…. But it was a very vivid dream at the time. Feelings evoked and images shown and the like….

So anyway, I’ve got therapy in a little while… My left leg has been really weak lately while my right is very strong. Strange It’s a role reversal. It was vice versa in the hospital and in the last few weeks.

One last note — Mike gave me Reloaded last night and i have to agree with Merovingian: The French language is like wiping your ass with silk… it just flows and caresses…

Congratulations are in order

Holy Cow!

The Florida Marlins have won the National League Pennant! The first time since 1997 have they accomplished this feat…

Wow — I am just stunned… I mean, I went to school with a guy who was traded from the Marlins this summer. He’s gotta be kicking himself now…

Congratulations Miami fans…. THIS team doesn’t earn my wrath like the 1997 “Bought championship” team.

There’s so much I could say here and so much I won’t … Take that as you will…

The Greater Pastime

Old poem… don’t really have an entry due tot he torture of the give and take….

Baseball… The greater Passtime…

The grass is green,
and newly cut,
on a bright and glorious day.
The stands are full with people cheering,
who came out, to watch them play

The pitcher, the catcher, the rightfielder,
The man at shortstop and second base,
These and the others are called upon,
To boost the home team’s play.

They go through the innings,
And at the end: haven’t both teams won?
For to play the game of baseball,
is the most glourious thing to be won.

© 1992 John P. Fontana


I’m thinking too much right now….

About my pager and the conversation I had today with Michelle who gave me props for the story I made mention of on here yesterday….

About Melanie’s new journal online – Which I recommend.

About the fact the Marlins just whooped the Cubs

About how Mike was pissed when he found out I got him a 100+ dollar birthday gift last month (even though his Birthday was in August) and how he started nagging me for what I wanted for my birthday….

About Glimmer Train Publications and wondering if I am wasting my time waiting for them

About the truth, about the lies, about the silence, avoidance, dismmisal… The wall.

About how Bill just dropped me a lien from my old computer, set up in his apartment in Orlando. Unexpectedly but pleasant all the same.

About how it seems Bill already has the blaster worm. Damnit.

About “Peter’s Problem” — the fact it needs a title and the fact I need to get my ass in gear and finish writing that thing.

About the fact that there are other things I need to write that could lead to bigger things — vague, yes, but a previous post I made that is also vague is part of the explination…

About how I had no idea what to write today except song lyrics. I never heard One Headlight by the Wallflowers but I wanted to post the lyrics.

About ‘Round Here:

But the Girl on the car in the parking lot says, “Man you should try and take a shot
“Can’t you see my walls are crumbling?”
And she looks up at the building,
Says she’s thinkin’ of jumpin’
She says she’s tired of life,
She must be tired of somethin’!

‘Round here
She’s always on my mind
‘Round here (hey man)
I’ve got lots of time
‘Round here
We’re Never sent to bed early
And nobody makes us wait
‘Round here we stay up very very very very late
Oh man, I said I’m under the gun ’round here….
And I can’t see nothing. Nothing. Around here….

That’s what I’m thinking about…..

When you're strange

People Are Strange
(by J.D. Morrison)

People are strange when you’re a stranger
Faces look ugly when you’re alone
Women seem wicked when you’re unwanted
Streets are uneven when you’re down

When you’re strange
Faces come out of the rain
When you’re strange
No one remembers your name

When you’re strange
When you’re strange
When you’re strange

"The Art of…" Writing

SoN I’ve been giving a lot of people crap over the last few weeks aobut a story I had been working on – it’s a story I came back to about 2 or 3 weeks ago and just decided to finish with regards to finally putting the idea down on paper and … well, FINISHING it.

It’s a nice piece of work, IMHO. I have to thank Tim for helping me out with a suggestion for the end. Big props!

This is the first story I’ve written without being tied to Long Ridge. I’m still a student, but I did this thing on my own and I’m pretty proud of it. Just shy of 3000 words, so it’s a bit longer than most of my stories I have written so far, but there are required thoughts because I did something with this story I never do with my writing:

I wrote it in the first person.

This isn’t an autobiographical tale, of course. It’s about a guy who gets fired and puts off dealing with it and gets in more trouble with his life. If and when it gets published — big If seeing how many authors are out there — I’ll post it here. Maybe I’ll submit it to Glimmer Train before the month is over?

It’s a good story. Those who are interested in reading it — just drop me a line.

Now all I have to do is get back to another couple of stories — Peter’s Problem for instance – which I am trying to write about in a notebook offline seeing I have reached an impasse with the story on my computer.

*Sigh* escape.

Propaganda and my take


Not one of my better comments, but I still find them amusing. This stems from a post on Howard Dean’s web log about a propaganda journal that Herr Bush is using on his re-election campaign. Scroll up to see that post.

Just a little taste — part two

In a previous entry, I had given the opening of an ongoing story I am writing that hasn’t yet reached it’s end point and hasn’t yet been edited.

I think some people read that piece of writing and jumped to the wrong conclusions and got on me in part for it — others were just bored to shit and didn’t know what to make of it.

I’m posting the next little snippet just to keep myself occupied….
Read More

The good with the bad….

My friend Nikki put up a post on her Livejournal that just happened to strike a cord in me…

Things are so different but a lot is the same….

Lots of differences, lots of the same **sigh**

My World Series desires….

End fo the World Series 2003

It’s the end of the world as we know it,
It’s the end of the world as we know it,
It’s the end of the world as we know it
And I feel fine

Cubs vs. Red Sox is my intrepid desire for the WS… Looks like I may get at least half of it… Go Cubs!


We’re all born into the world and take on a physical life for ourselves. Through the course of our existence on the planet, we live thousands of lives even if we aren’t aware of them.

Different personalities show up at different points and they tend to have a life of their own, for example. The smart ass, the looker, the jock, the know-it-all, the slut, the crybaby, the actor, the liar, the whiner, etc, etc… All these different personality traits alone have lives of their own and you live them as you go from the day you are born to the day of your demise.

It doesn’t stop there.

You live your life – your life changes before you and you tend to adjust to the new conditions. These adjustments change you as a person and it can be said that you start a new life under these new conditions. You strive for a goal in this life, perchance, and when you achieve it – your life changes again and a new goal is set… Or perchance you have something taken away, an injury, a social malignancy? Again, your life changes — you start living a NEW life as you try to come to grips with these new parameters that surround you.

And of course there are social lives. With every single person you interact with, you forge a tie that can be called it’s own life. Only ones that you are close to you tend to create a more intimate life with them (significant others). The catch to the entire thing is that you don’t have to have things in common for this life to be born. You don’t need to be going in the same direction in life… Your connection is a life that the two of you create together. It’s your commitment to that life that could alter your other lives or not.

Lives are all around us – Physical lives, emotional lives, psychological lives and the like… The question to you is, are you willing to see a life through, or will you kill it if it stands in the way of another life? Will you abort a life that doesn’t fit the moment? Or perchance embrace it and see other lives come crashing down because of it?

The morning show

So I am up early with thoughts running through my mind once I woke up… Plus a headache that has lasted a day already.

What’s on my mind? Well, a couple of things and none of them are things I want to end up doing because that’s not the type of person I am. Sound vague? It’s supposed to…

Here’s hoping that you, the reader, have a good day…

One down, three to go

Bolts win in a slaughter — 5-1

USF is just hanging on vs. TCU…. Very much still in the game, 13-3…

Cubbies are holding on against the Marlins, 2-1….

And the 4th… well… Won’t happen.

Tis the Season

Ah, the best sport to watch in person is upon us again….

Go Lightning!

They needed scientists to figure this out?

Taken from: “The Anatomy of a Broken Heart”

A social snub and a big-toe stub can generate a similar response in the brain, suggesting emotional and physical pain are more closely related than was previously thought.

They needed to conduct a fucking study to figure this out? You’ve got a 24 year old sitting here who’s known this since… oh… I don’t know… Childhood? They could have just sent me a fucking questionnaire and they would have found out the truth to this.

I could have also told them that happiness and euphoria were just as good as sex, but they’ll probably need to conduct a separate study to figure that one out too… :rolleyes


Happy Birthday, John Ono Lennon,….

Happy Birthday Kiley — my first cousin, once removed. She was born around 1 PM, weighing in at 6 pounds, 9 ounces. Congratulations, Amber! :biggrin

Lack of comprehension

It really bugs me… not just bugs me – hurts me — when I have someone close to me not able to comprehend what I’m going through with my life and doesn’t seem to open up to try to understand it better.

Who am I talking about? My brother.

You see, Mike decided to get on me because he found out a birthday gift I got him cost a bit of cash.. This is the same guy who gave me an LCD monitor as a gift last year… Him bitching about expensive gifts is the last thing he should be doing. At any rate, he also wanted me to watch the first season of Alias and got on me when he found out I hadn’t been wasting my time watching it all day every day.

He then got on me for my time spent online and told me I really needed to just drop online friends period.

Great, Mike, you hit the nail on the head with something I would love to do. Did you forget that I lost my hearing a few years back and it makes physical conversation difficult (so much so that if you won’t make an attempt to talk to me, why do you think others will)? How about the fact that I don’t have a social job right now, compared to yourself, that gets me out in the open every day? Well, before you harp on me about having a job, how about the fact you see I am a gimp right now and walking around with a walker? Struggling up and down the stairs every day and a god-damned shut in up until I get a wheelchair? Does that, possibly, make any more sense to you why I deal with anyone online instead of going out right now…?

It’s not like I gave up on life… Unlike the man who harped on me for not sitting on my ass and just watching movies all day… No… I try to accomplish with the little bit of ability I have to do stuff (writing, web design). Maybe I talk to people online but it’s not like it’s a wide plethora of people. In fact it’s a closing world of people….

Sorry to whine, sorry to rant, sorry to have the bar at the Pity Party open for business… I just had to vent my frustrations.

Emma Christine

My buddy Bill’s niece, Emma Christine… Born 10-06-03 weighing 7 pounds, 11 ounces. This was taken shortly after she was born


Well, on a sidenote from yesterday that I forgot to mention, I received my last assignment package from Long Ridge Writers Group. It made me feel sorta proud and at the same time -nervous all over again if I am going to be able to complete this shit or not…. Between the two assignments there was some 300+ pages, it would seem. I’m probably exaggerating but at the same time there’s a good chance I am not.

I’m also having worries about having the oomphf to do assignment 6. Not the writing but I mean I am already committed to this story concept.. I’d rather be able to wing it again. Write on my terms, etc…

Actually this IS on my terms, I wrote the opening and concept for the story — I just don’t want to be committed to it right now because I had to stop cold instead of continuing on with the story when the idea was fresh in my mind….

Night note

I was right… :rolleyes

Anyway, my day was bah humbug for the most part. Not that I was sour towards my birthday or things happening but nothing much happened. I DID however have a kick ass workout and surprised my trainer with my strength. That made me feel good for the entire day.

I also had a couple fo dreams last night that I am still trying to understand. I can’t remember all of them but I know I won a writing contest… no, correction… I came in second place (as “stonegauge” — not as my real name) and had money coming to me. I then had a bunch of stuff happen and I snuck off — grabbed a gun from someone and went to deal with Mexican revolutionaries inside a cave who were shooting a movie? Strange… I killed Pancho Villa and a couple of other guys… They thought the gun had blanks… sucks to be them huh….

Now if only that made more sense to me.

As of right now, 2 percent of the precincts in California are reporting and CNN and the media is declaring winners. This really pisses me off because they screwed up like this in 2000. Why declare it so early??

Well, I can’t say much more… Actually I could but it’s not my time to talk.

D-Day…. B-Day

There’s just one thing I want today even though I know I won’t get it. It’s not big in physical form and it’s not small when it comes to meaning… At least not to me, it at least puts me at peace.

YOU BORN TODAY You have humor, imagination and a sense of the human story. Personally, you’re capable. But privately, you have a romantic soul. You will give your all for love. Everyone knows you are a free spirit; yet you value your origins. Major changes lie ahead. Fear not: They are favorable.

And from my own local rag

You Born Today: You are a committed idealist, which means you have your moments of rebellion. You want to make changes for the better in the world. You are strong-minded and know how to organize the efforts of those around you You will always do what you believe is right. Work hard this year for rewards in 2005. Birth date of Toni Braxton, singer

I also found out Vladimir Putin’s birthday is today… I know I share it with John Melloncamp and a few other famous people…

*Sigh* Back to the grind….

Mi Dia

Bill Erickson’s niece, Emma Christine (don’t know her last name) was born around 1 PM EDT this afternoon. I don’t know all the stats but I will post them when I have them.

An hour later, my neighbor since I moved into my current residence, Mila, passed away at 83… She’s been through some real hardships the last 14 years and plenty more before we ever moved in. It will be strange living in a world without her

I’ve just found out my Aunt will be on MSNBC on December 4th… Certainly something I would like others to see but as far as I know, things will fall apart worse before then…

This goes without saying a lot about me – as I would think that most of my journal entries have lately — they’ve made brief mentions about things going on on the Internet or perchance other opinions I have but not really talked about me. It’s assumed that I am doing fine if anyone at all is wondering how I am doing. Certainly my writing is a little more to-the-point yet short and meaningless if you really think about it. There have been a few cases where my posts have had a meaning and those who needed to know the meaning got it, unfortunately it just continued to put things in a bad light because I let emotions get to me by posting that in the first place…

At any rate, what is new with me? Besides writing, there isn’t much. I saw Doc Smith this morning and had a wheel chair prescribed to me. I’ve also had my mother bullshit me with regards to moving downstairs — into the windowless living room of the house and having an “apartment” int eh home. Why are we talking this? Because I need another operation and scheduling it is only being put off by my worries of life without legs/being wheelchair bound until further notice.

I started talking about moving out — It’d be simpler than the bullshit idea of converting a dark room into a bedroom apartment.

Personally I am right back where I was in… say, April and May 2002 when it comes to dealing with people I meet on line — they all turn out to be shallow. You might make someone laugh but they will ditch you if they see a picture they don’t like.

*sigh* Memories from the corner of my mind – when that stuff didn’t matter with a few people I met on here..

Emma Christine’s birthday present looks more and more like a Buccaneer win… Reminding me of something that happened 24 years ago tomorrow with the Giants beating the 5-0 Bucs (my father is a Giants fan). Wonder what tomorrow has in store for me if anything? Besides a Total Recall….