Tag: Writing


A personal ramble at my milestone in Blogging

Writer John Peter Fontana II, also known as Johnny Fonts (who is aka John J. Fonts Esqyuew) – the dude writing this. Me. Hi. – has been a weblog author for 20 years now.

What I am connonly known for, hockey and the Tampa Bay Lightning, didn’t start for another year and a half. My start in blogging began during the forced end to a static web site devoted to the Beatles. It will be 20 years on Thursday since the feature on that incident was published by the St. Pete Times.

I am not proud of everything in this blog’s archives (most of whicj was written on “The Stibegauge”), and I also don’t know what stands out in my career in general. I just know this is the avenue I took and it gave me a place to vent, ramble wxpress, inform, and share.

Physical hardsjo[ makes it tough to do this now… Oh, I say so much about THAT. It’s a tough job to even know what is going on in sports, movies, politics, and the world around me, let alone the challenge to type it out.
NF2 is a bitch.

Johnn0y Fonts lacks new content, but I am on here daily updating TunedQuest… It’s a listing that grows a!d must be tended to. I spend ample time looking into stations and sites that accept music submissions. * get thanked… That’s something.

So…! Utilize and the words if Cassie McClellan: reader continues to take advemture and entertainment in what I put out.Typing remains an adventure for me, I hope an0

The Write Stuff

For a couple of years I had my writing online on various extensions of this domain name. Basically it was one short story and about a hundred poems that I had decided to put online.

Being the busy bee that I am and having other things to do online, I decided instead of keeping the site up and running, I took it down. All while saving the files.

Well, in a limited case I’m putting a definitive writing section back online. You can access it directly and you can also access it from the above menu by clicking WRITING.

Oh, and for the moment you can jump to the poems directly on the sidebar here on der Stonegauge’s main site. Some were never part of my collection on the old writings site and some were.

Everyone loves getting mail

Not one of my better poems, was written in a bit of a rush the other night when I had this thought on my mind… Inspired in part by The Lake House


I want to write you this letter
I want to spend time in thought and
Trying to figure out what I’d say to you
It’s great when you get a letter in the mail

And I’m thinking about writing a letter
It’s been a few weeks since we talked and
Right now you’re on my mind
Whether you like that idea or not

So it’s been a few weeks since we talked
The last time we did, we fought and
I let you walk all over me,
While you had good reason to be pissed

Yet I was all apologies
All in all is all we are
You never offered me the same
For you getting all angry and acting lame
I’d better not write you this letter after all

Why I better not write this letter
Because you just don’t respect me and
You got me tied around your little finger
And just twist and twist me tighter than a knot

Knots can be so cruel
They can be like feeling locked inside
Yeah, feelings can be knots too
Cinching tighter and restraining things

So I’m writing you this letter
I’m just a piece of twine twisted around
Your pinkie is red from this yarn
That we’ve both been spinning for ages

And it’s great getting letters in the mail
Last one I sent you was years ago
And I tap-tapity-tapped it up on my keyboard
My handwriting is a horror unto itself

The horror of my day
Realizing I still have feelings for you
And you’ve pretty clearly moved stage left
The lights are bright on Broadway
“The Producers” is better watched with an audience

And I don’t know if you care
Getting a letter in the mail from me
Letters in the mail are great but even better
When you don’t expect them
I’m the king of “don’t-expect’em”

And my wrist is getting
Writing out this yarned ramble
Ramble – what we know so well
What we loved, what we lived, what we did for hours

And I watched this movie
And it got me thinking that i ought to
Write you a letter
You could care less about the addressee
Your residence wasn’t hard to find

So I’m closing this letter off
Hoping to put things to rest even though it’s
Special to get a letter in the mail
And I want to share special with you again

All in all is all we are
Kurt Cobain is formally dead and
You can’t respect someone who kisses your ass
It just doesn’t work

So I watched this movie tonight
I wanted to write you a letter
I wanted to write you this letter
It’s great getting something in the mail

© John Fontana

I can't impress upon you how true this is…

The title of Northwest Leftists post is “The Most important book for Progressives”… He’s talking about Crashing the Gate and I must stress how true those words are.

If you read political books to be outraged instead of informed — trash like Michael Moore or Al Franken and their self-obsorbed writings — this book can and should replace that type of reading in your bookcase. While Crashing shows you reasons to be outraged at both the left and the right, it keys you in how things must change and how you must be part of the political process too.

It’s the Red versus the Blue.
The Old versus the New.

It shows you what’s wrong with the Democrats and how we can go about fixing it.

Please, if you’re a Democrat — this is required reading material.

Writing re-assurance

I haven’t tried this in a long time – the last story I published in part on this blog was never competed (“Peter’s Problem” just rambles on and on) and never got any opinions on pieces fo the story I DID publish.

At any rate, I told people about this story in an earlier entry… There is no title to it as it stands right now and it’s just a few hundred words… Let me know what you think if you think anything about it… Just click on more to view it.

Read More

Light My Fire — no, put it out. Please.

It’s been a while since I decided to read any non-ficiton. Usually it’s biographical works on icons of the Entertainment industry (ie: Beatles or the Doors). Keeping with that trend, I decided to pick up Ray Manzarek’s Light My Fire, it’s a Doors autobiography I’ve been meanign to read for some time.

And yet, as I’m still in the early areas of the book, I’m trying to understand why I thought it was a must read? Probably because of all the positive reviews of the book when it originally was released. Can’t be bad at all then, can it?

From a writing standpoint, it can be all that bad. And worse. Though Manzarek has a unique perspective on his tail…. He’s not a writer.

The book comes off much like a personal journal would, I guess… Reporting the mundane as well as the gripping, life-altering events of Ray’s life… But Manzarek loses focus and direction on any given topic quite easily. At one moment he’s about to discuss finding a live performance of the Blues in the south side o fChicago, and the next moment he’s rambling about attire he wore to graduation from the 8th grade…. One moment he’s about to get into his first exposure to Beat poetry, the next he’s laying the smackdown on facism and intimidation of the California Highway Patrol. He goes off on the broadest tangents and does not focus on the event that inspires the tangent thought.

Another instance of Ray veering wildly is a recounting of Jim Morrison’s UCLA film school student film… While trying to detail Jim’s non-linear movie that Rya found “poetic”, he begins recounting Oliver Stone’s version of the student film that he made as part of his feature film on the Doors. Ray goes off on Oliver for makign an innocent film into something with anti-semitism and Nazi inneundo. He attacks Stone (as he has since the film came out in the early 1990’s) and lets the UCLA film school experience vanish from the story.

It almost comes off like a conversation — one that varies wildly as those who partake in the conversation ramble on into the night. Yet, having to read this conversation is painful… Especially with gramatical errors of repeated run-on sentences, short sentences that woudl be better combined, repetition of adjectives, etc….

Ray’s book, while from the heart, has nothing on John Densemore’s Riders on the Storm autobiography.,

"Where have all the good men gone and where are all the Gods?"

So Deep Throat has been revealed. An enigma of Americana politics has been answered.

The reason I am writing about this at all is some anger I have from the likes of the media and their interview candidates after Mark Felt admitted to being Deep Throat. Unethical twits G. Gordon Liddy and Robert Novak, along with serial-asshole Pat Buchanan, were the guys interviewed on air with regards to what they thought of Felt being Deep Throat.

Liddy has no credibility to state what he thinks of Felt – and by his answers on CNN and on MSNBC, you can see he would have prefered everything kept “in house.” Liddy complains that the evidence should have been taken to a federal grand jury – and in the age of conspiracies and cover ups, everything would have discretely been swept under the rug and Liddy never would have served time for his lawbreaking.

Novak has no credibility to make claims that Felt was a traitor or unethical for what he did. Novak himself is a criminal that has not been arrested as of yet for revealing the identity of a CIA agent. If you compared Felt to Novak specifically – these two operated on opposite ends of the political spectrum in what they did. While Novak was used as a tool of the political powers-that-be to get back at their enemies (Joseph Wilson), Felt was protecting the government from itself (and the powers-that-be) by revealing any information at all to Bob Woodward and letting it become public. One man is the epitome of public corruption and the other is the epitome of public service. That’s not trying to make a saint out of Mark Felt and everything he has ever done for the FBI or the government, I don’t know the man enough to make that assessment, but that is heralding him for blowing a whistle on dirty shenanigans that were ongoing in the government and letting the public know.

And Buchanan? Ok, well — Pat is Pat and Pat has always been an asshole of grandoise proportions in one way or another.

Mad props, yo

It always makes me feel a little better when I get a compliment on something I have written… Especially when it’s coming form a higher up who is established in the writing community in some way, shape or form.

That’s why I’m beaming over some of the praise I’ve gotten from James Mirtle on his blog, directed at a post I made on Boltsmag. James is a hockey journalist and if I ever get ANY recognition from the guy for what I write, I’m usually happy.

Speaking of writing, I had a letter published in the St. Petersburg TImes today — titled “Going Down the Wrong Road.” First time in a while one of my opinions is good enough to print.

Totally lost

Right now I am down. I’m down about several things but lets go with first things first, secodn thing ssecond and all that jazz…

I’m taking a break from the Stonegauge for I don’t know how long or even if The Stonegauge will be back up in the future. I’m just goign to stop with the site because…. Well, lets be frank and honest – you could care. By you I mean by everyone who is out there.

I know that really sounds pessamistic but that’s how it feels right now. I’m not writing much on here lately for oen reason or another and what I do write is too self-absorbed to really have any worth. I know I write something that not only gians people’s attention but also interests readers over at Boltsmag. I can’t say the same here at Stonegauge.

Who cares about my opinions? I express them on forums and in the Newspaper and they haven’t brought out change. I’ve shared my writing and my day to day dealings and it’s not as if many are reading this right now.

I’ll probably end up posting shit elsewhere just because it’ll be more private or because it’s not a target for spam (or hasn’t turned to shit because WordPress 1.5 sucks).

Bah 🙁 I’m down.

For postierity

I wrote this poem with one person in mind and it’s odd that it has come true in every faccet.

….well, almost everything… until now.

Things might just be a scare but if not, it’s a serious issue has come up that coudl force a loss…. And no offense, but you were bound for it… Just because you reap what you sow.


You know, last year I played the scorned and jaded lover… Last year I wrote about how I hurt and how I felt used and blah blah blah. I was worshipping Bitter Singles Day and writing a tome to them (which I will not link to tonight becuase I feel sick :p ).

It’s funny the difference a year can make….

This year I am kissing strangers and joking around, in good spirits. This year I am waiting eagerly for that special someone who is my left hand. This year I feel complete. This year I’m in love once again.

This year is a different world and I am glad I returned to it.

That being said, I still must send out regards to the lonely out there — there is hope and it will hit… Just make sure you keep your morals high and don’t bend for a moment. Don’t fool yourself iwth false emotion. It’ll be surprising when you find them… It is for me.

Wedding Gift

So Josh and Michelle are getting hitched Sunday and now that I have some time to cram on the gift — I’m hitting a wall creatively. Not hitting a wall but my first intuition is that the poem I was going to give them, framed and with art, isn’t going to cut it.

I originally wrote this thing with a girl named Jamie Rose and her boyfriend from High School in mind. I wrote it because I felt guilty for having a crush on the chick when she was so in love with her boyfriend.

So now I am wondering what I should do — edit it where need be? Keep it as is? Bah! Choices, choices!

And let no one put assunder, for together they are a whole….

Pen to pad, long time gone

I’ve been trying to re-arrange my poetry page instead of ammassing everything I have by 10 poems-per-page. I don’t know why I am doing it exactly but I am doing it…. (all of this while I shoudl be working on Chantilly Lace gifts).

The thing is, I read over certain poems and I can remember exactly where and when I was when I wrote that poem… Some of them I rememeber exactly what I was feeling. I’ve lst at least one entire book of poetry because I lent it out to someone who would later betray me… And at the same time I still have 7 volumes sitting on a bookshelf that are just one big reminder of things in the past.

Some people had journals, some people just kept notes of there lives, some people blog… I wrote poetry. It was release and yet it chronicled things.

Anyway, the poem that gets me – and get sme every time – is Lost Inside… Just because of how I ende dup playing the words. I can remember writing this at my local library … There are a lot of poems with certain strengths to them that I persoanlly enjoy but this is the one that I like the most:

Lost Inside

Seen my feelings lost inside forever
Couldn’t we be good together?
Girl, you are my everything,
You’re all my wants and craves

Lost inside the secret you
What am I supposed to do
Girl, you are my majesty
I’ll worship you forever

Only known I’ve lost my mind
Oh, why worry? Never mind
Everything that I do crave
Is lost inside your being

Now to find you,
I need to be your everything,
Fit the bill and fly the path,
Our equation, do the math,
Add us two and then subtract –
The worries and the hardships

Seen my feelings inside you, girl
Oh my, honey, what a world
What am I supposed to do?
I’ve stayed lost inside the secret you

And inside, I’ve lost my mind
Oh, why worry? Never mind
Everything I’ll always crave
Is lost inside the secret you

©1998 John P. Fontana

A Never Ending Story

I’ve been writing a story for over a year now and it is starting to piss me off more than actually entertain me with regards to finishing it.

If I can’t focus on the story, I choke and can’t write anything. I’ve already had to quit Long Ridge because I can’t think or focus or what not… Part of me wants to call an end to Peter’s adventure and another part of me won’t be satisfied until I punch in the last few sentences and a period and then deem the manuscript finished — the first draft that is. There is still a load of editing to do…

But first things first — trying to close off the story is proving to be a bitch.

I’ve got 77 manuscript pages done as of right now — 21 thousand words… Not too shabby but it’s not that big a tome. It’s not even that high quality I would think. Sure, some people have re-assured me the story is worth reading and the characters make you interested — but there are flaws that I can see and that others can see… That’s part one of what bothers me.

Part two is that I am not writing squarely about what I know. That’s something you are supposed to do but alas — the story is too big to do that. It’s to interesting with the characters and the dialog to do that… Yet the details in some of the places where the story takes place – they escape me. They force me to wonder if I am just a hack because I am winging it or if I am making a worthwhile effort through a bit of ignorance.

Stephen King helped me out — not personally but I was reading Song of Susannah and he made the point that when you have no further use for a character – you could kill them off to end that part of the story. It’s probably much truer in horror and thrillers than this story but I think I might take a lesson from Steve and do some killing in order to advance the story to it’s ending…

Because I personally don’t know how to get there from here as it stands.

I had been close to just cutting out details and jumping to a conclusion instead of giving the full ending and I thought it was a cop out on my part. What happened to the characters after such and such a point? What happened between certain characters that caused them to fight? What happened to so and so, and what will happen when these people reach what’sitcalled? (nice job avoiding plot details, eh? :smile ) I hated the idea of cheating people on the story but without having the complete story (what happens in the end?!) in my mind, it just pisses me off that the story seems to be going on and on without a set point where things will conclude.

Where is “The End” when I need it?

"Song of" The Gunslinger…

Song of Susannah kicked ass.

In my review of the sixth part of the great sage and imminent wordslinger’s (Stephen King) magnum opus – The Dark Tower — I have to say that for the most part Song of Susannah made up for any and all problems that I had with his last entry to the series (Wolves of the Calla) and was probably the most constant and tension filled book in the series for me — probably a bit more than The Drawing of the Three and The Waste Lands . Compared to Wolves which I fought at times to finish up, or Wizard and Glass which lost my interest because of how far off course the story ventured, this was an absolute pleasure to read.

“Dude, stop with the praise and give me an idea what happens already!”

OK, I don’t want to play the spoiler but of course in all reviews of anything (movies, books, TV shows) you get an idea of what is going to happen in a review…. In Song, the first gasp of the novel establishes the need for the ka-tet to be repaired… Beamquake. It gives a new idea of the sense of urgency of the mission to the Dark Tower (but of course gives no idea on what they need to do there). Eddie is in shambles because Susannah has gone through the Unfounded door, Father Callahan is going insane because he’s found out he is a character in a book, Jake Chambers is still pissed off at losing his best friend because of “Frank…..Fucking….Tarvery” and of course Roland is…. Roland. A bit rational even when there is pressure afoot.

Only taking place for a short time in the borderlands between Mid-World and Thunderclap, the story spends a good deal of time in New York City of 1999 and Maine of 1977. It puts some explanation of story flaws in past Dark Tower novels and it doesn’t exactly sink with the Stephen King side plot. That was my biggest beef with Wolves of the Calla — King writing himself into the books… But you know what? It works now. You see how it works. King had written in the past about what would happen if he met Roland in person and basically you get to see that for real in this story.

Something really bit at me though and it was something I don’t know if it’s real or not. It’s excerpts from King’s “Diary” between 1977 and 1999… I don’t know how much is fake and how much is real — but if there is reality to his wife telling him not to walk a certain route and the fact he predicted 6/19/1999 (O, Discordia!)… It’s just chilling to the bone. There’s no other way to put it.

Susannah gets a lot of pages in this book — and to some degree things did get boring with her dealings with Mia (the other inhabiting her body) and that might be the weakest part of the story… That or a rehash of the ending of The Waste Lands (and no, it ain’t Blaine the Mono) might piss some people off. But it’s not going to be years until we see the conclusion of the Dark Tower saga. Episode 7 — The Dark Tower — is due out later this year.

Long Days and Pleasant Nights to ya, I beg. Life for your crop and thankee-sai… Song of Susannah is a pleasure to read.


The last month has been one of change for me. Physical change, emotional (?) change, personal change and some changes around me. They’ve been more accomplishments than setback and my mood hasn’t always been the best but there is progress in my life and that makes me feel better than I’ve felt in a long, long time.

Last year around this time I was falling into an abyss as I was losing ability with my legs. Go back for yourselves and take a look at June and July 2003 and you can find my personal writings that talk about my legs giving out from under me. Now? Now I’m again at a point where there is a great deal of light in front of me but I am not entirely ready to emerge from the tunnel of darkness.

Jack Ryan needed a year to regain the ability to walk, that was what was said in The Hunt For Red October and I won’t be surprised if it lingers that long for me.

Anyway, I’ve traded my walker (which I only use rarely) for a red cane and am mixed using that and trying to walk on my own. Comes and goes with how well I can do that but it’s close enough for government work.

I started not posting onto this journal last month because I’ve had my room torn up and lost in discordia (we’ll get to the discordia reference in a minute kiddies :wink ) as I’ve finally had my ugly mica furniture removed as well as had a real floor put in… It’s a big change from what I have had. Brighter. More positive for that matter. Good for the soul, say thank ya.

And of course things really got better the last week with me getting out and seeing I could do again – that’s with help, however. I have to still put up a post about what went on with my friend Keith but that’s for another post. Maybe tomorrow.

As for now, I go back to Stephen King’s latest – Song of Susannah which I’m enjoying as I near the finish of the book. Big step up from his last Dark Tower novel. I will give you a better review of the book when I am done…

Positives are around… Quite a change of pace for the Artful Dodger, but positives are around again — thank God.

Transition Game

While I am a bit distracted with things going on in my life, though it’s not like I don’t have time to blog. I’m still trying to figure out just where and what I am going to take the Stonegauge to with regards to blogging…

Keep ranting about personal stuff? Take it more pop culture with entertainment things that I can’t always speak for when it’s current? (My Adaptation review was an old post, I comment on old songs, previously released movies, published books, etc) Political rants which are done better on other blogs and are the norm on the blogshere, and certain people I’ve met with Boltsmag talk about local issues pretty well….

Then we have the fact I do talk about sports here and there — Boltsmag is a success just because I really timed this shit well :smile. There’s writing stories I could give but those are about failure. Medical stories I could tell but those seem irrelevant…

This is the personal homepage of John Fontana but then again? I want the Stonegauge to be a place to stop by and have something worth looking into, commenting on or discussing. Not the garbage I’ve had lately. My April entry spurt was brought on by a certain someone who does a real good job of showing up when she needs a crutch, but avoids really well when things don’t fit her current schedule, which includes friendship..

I want to give “a better ‘Gauge on things” but damnit – I want it to be relevant in some way shape or form. It isn’t at this rate.

Nice Domain name…

As I continue to be distracted along with sorta lost what to gear the Stonegauge toward in my writing…

Lets just say this is not only an original domain name but it speaketh the Truth :biggrin

Play it out in your head.

I had daydreamed maybe Saturday while my room was getting a new wood floor… Or maybe it was Sunday when I was sitting idle…. I don’t know for sure but sometimes when I can play out instances in my head – scenes of stories or what-ifs, I can translate them into written works without much of a problem. Not when I force the issue (as I continue to do with the story I make reference to as “Peters Problem — 74 manuscript pages long) but when I let it play out naturally in my head with what one character would say and someone’s response.

And that has me writing again… Writing about a long abandoned story I hoped wouldn’t come true in one extent or another, but has….

I’m happy to report that I have ideas how to edit these stories together and how to edit the original concept of the story in order to make it a better narrative but… I need drive with that. Hopefully this second piece that I have been writing since Saturday Night will be that drive.

A mix of inspiration and perspiration… Not too shabby.

I don’t think this thing will linger into a huge tome but you never know….

Thanks to my Friends

A couple of weeks old but thanks to Danielle (Finnaula), Melanie, Terra, Kari, Keith and others. You helped me through a tough spot and even though I’m still in that tough spot – I’ve got my eyes open now.

I could go into detail but that’s devoting more thought into a subject than the subject deserves. I”ve drowned my pains on that thought and if I use it again it’ll just be something in writing.

What is Real? "Linda" Washowski's gender isn't

I’m writing this post, not trying to slander the co-creator of The Matrix… I write it out fo shock from learning about it.

Larry Washowski… Half of the Directing and Creating team that brought you Assasins and The Matrix saga, is having a sex change operation. That’s right — Larry’s becoming Linda.

All I can say is that I am shocked… really… I mean…well, I haven’t ever really known anyone who wanted to make the gender switch. i still don’t but this is the most famous person I know who is going to go through with it…

Something's Got to Give and Take

It’s late when I write this… Or early if you think of things that way… I guess it’s a “Half-empty”, “Half-full” kinda observation but whatever… That isn’t really the point I am trying to drive home in this post.

What is my point? I haven’t the foggiest. I’m just awake and bored and I have a few moments because I am not trying to write my story that I have been working on (the “Peters Problem” story is now 73 manuscript pages long and I am choking up because I don’t know if I shoudl continue or if the story is worth continuing or what).. That’s my first crux of the moment…. Maybe I am just wrong for writing it at all because it gets lame? Or I feel like it’s lame at least and I just need some input (which I am awaiting from certain people).

Maybe the doubts arose from watching Something’s Got To Give last night? Great movie but I felt like art was imitating life when I saw it. There were so many things that I could identify with from both the main characters…. well, except menopause, wrinkled asses, dating women half your age and of course — being 55+…. But other things, other issues… It was a real shot of deja-vu watching it… Uncanny…

That, or I am drawing too many thoughts from films. That was my initial reaction when I tried to put doubts into my mind. “You read too much into these things John. Stop taking them so seriously!”

But between the story and the movie — i just have doubts and have confusion. I hear the phrase over and over again that everything happens for a reason and I am trying to think of reasons why my life is how it is, why things go as they do. Am I supposed to fail in life? Is that my reasoning?

Yeah, that’s negative… That’s how I’m thinking right now though. Balls-to-the-wall honesty.

And I am also rambling here if you couldn’t guess… Not a clear, coherent entry and… Ah, hell, I just need something interesting and positive right now.

Maybe it's a sign

Lately I’ve been writing — that’s for another entry however — and en I finally went to bed at 20 til 2 I was pretty much spent and ready for sleep.

Well, that is until I notice the lightning in my window. I thought nothing of it and thought it was a distant storm, putting on a light show. After all, I had seen clear skies and distant storms that afternoon. Clear skies overhead.,..

Yet as the clock ticked to 2 AM the lightning became more frequent, more intense. I figured it would be a brief storm – they all are after all. .. And instead? I get to witness the most intense Lightning storm I have seen in my 15 years in Florida. Torrential rain? Sure… That went with the storm… Yet the amount of Lightning and thunder had me taken aback! There was a lightning strike EVERY FRIGGIN’ SECOND it seemed and if there was any time in between lightning flashes it was only a short interval of 2 to 3 seconds.

And it went on from just before 2 AM til past 3… It got so bad at one point I had sent Pager messages to my friends Bill, Keith and Michelle. It had woken Michelle up who answered the page I sent. She was up worrying about one of her cats that were still outside…

Mother nature is one raw bitch but she’s magnificent none the else.

Forcing it

It’s 1:30 in the morning and I’m trying to focus my mind on the task at hand: finishing a story I started nearly a year ago that is rambling on to it’s 60th manuscript page as of this writing.

After talking with my longtime friend Tim, I had a breakthrough with the tale as I wasn’t able to get anything done with the story without knowing how to end it or how to draw it to a conclusion. Tim helped me find one, which is excellent. He’s also vowed to help me through editing the story if and when I finish.

I sure as hell better finish, because I can’t focus on another story until I put these characters to rest, so to speak.

The key dilema now is connecting the story between two points — and then driving this baby home. I might near 80 or 90 manuscript pages whyen all is said and done. 20 thousand words isn’t a stretch… All of this before editing, of course.

"The Edge" of Sanity

I decided to spin some tunes and do some writing – which hasn’t come easy the last couple of weeks — today. After some audio bullshit and sound card problems I finally got everything running smooth and I had a re-awakening from a song I used to love in Middle and High School —

Aerosmith’s Living On The Edge

I had written a paper about it years ago for my English class (Ms. Manson always supported us being free spirited and such… And encouraged us with music, poetry, writing, etc) and had taken the song too seriously, in a way, when I stated that one message from the song that could be taken was that we are living on the edge of sanity and sobriety.

Anyone who sees the pop culture and news headlines knows this to be true, so that was one thing that is very true about the lyrics of the song.

But then there’s a refrain that comes up twice in the song that I never really put two and two together with, even though it should be obvious for everyone.

If Chicken Little tells you that the sky is fallin’
Even if it wasn’t would you still come crawling
Back again
I bet you would my friend
Again and Again and Again and Again and a-

“Crawling back again” was the line that first hit me for social reasons when I listened to the first instance of this in the song, but then it started weighing on me about Chickie Little and the Sky falling. It’s talking about those who are determined to say that things are all wrong with the world — they’re too this, too that. Too much pollution, too much taxes, too much drug use, too much sex, too much media, too little intelligence, we’ve strayed to far from the church, we’ve got too much greed, too little oil, too few resour—

Hold it right there.

Something actually happens to be right in the world and even when we throw out politics and politically correctness and religion up to our asses. Everyone on either side off an issue knows the issue is wrong because they are experts on the issue and don’t want you to see the truth if it doesn’t fit into their billing. I don’t want to bring up any of my own political beliefs with this because I believe the song right now more than I believe in politics. More than I believe in government. More than I believe in religion and more than I believe in people.

Livin’ On The Edge

Hudson, Tyler, Perry

There’s somethin’ wrong with the world today
I don’t know what it is
Something’s wrong with our eyes

We’re seein’ things in a different way
And God knows it ain’t his
It sure ain’t no surprise

Livin’ on the edge
Livin’ on the edge
Livin’ on the edge
Livin’ on the edge

There’s somethin’ wrong with the world today
The light bulb’s gettin dim
There’s meltdown in the sky

If you can judge a wise man
By the color of his skin
Then mister you’re a better man than I

Livin’ on the edge
(You can’t help yourself from fallin’)
Livin’ on the edge
(You can’t help yourself at all)
Livin’ on the edge
(You can’t stop yourself from fallin’)
Livin’ on the edge

Tell me what you think about your sit-u-a-tion
Complication – aggravation
Is getting to you

If chicken little tells you that the sky is fallin’
Even if it wasn’t would you still come crawlin’
Back again
I bet you would my friend
Again & again & again & again & again

Tell me what you think about your sit-u-a-tion
Complication – aggravation
Is getting to you

If chicken little tells you that the sky is fallin’
Even if it was would you still come crawlin’
Back again
I bet you would my friend
Again & again & again & again

Something right with the world today
And everybody knows it’s wrong
But we can tell ’em no or we could let it go
But I’d would rather be a hanging on


Livin’ on the edge
Livin’ on the edge
Livin’ on the edge
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah

Livin’ on the edge
{You can’t help yourself)
(You can’t help yourself)
Livin’ on the edge
(You can’t help yourself at all)
Livin’ on the edge
(You can’t help yourself)
(You can’t help yourself)
Livin’ on the edge
(You can’t help yourself)
(You can’t help yourself)
Livin’ on the edge
(You can’t help yourself from fallin’)
Livin’ on the edge
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah
Yeah, you got to that now

&copy 1992 Swag Song Music company

The Competition

I didn’t want to post this on Boltsmag and ridicule another Tampa Bay Lightning web log, but after reading the journal in question and this post — I just want to gag…. :puke

tb_lightning: *eagerly awaiting the Lightning to lead the series 2-1*

*eagerly awaiting the Lightning to lead the series 2-1*
I wish this area had more supportive fans like are seen on this journal.

I was sitting in French class today, and the girl next to me goes: “I don’t really care who wins, but the Islanders are all much better looking than the Lightning”… I had to remain silent (else I would have screamed!- “Elle est tres stupide!”) since I was writing an essay, but seriously… a puckbunny? and for the wrong team. I sure hope this area at least becomes more supportive of the Lightning. And fast. I can deal with bandwagon fans if they’ll at least support FOR REAL for once.

p.s- The Lightning will win tonight. Afterall, we’ve seen the hunger in interviews, we just need to see it out on the ice. They are so very beautiful when they win.

p.p.s.- does anyone besides me notice that the Islanders play the consistently same defense every night? we just need to not pass and sneak in from behind maybe? their trapping wouldn’t work then. and their puckhandling has nothing on ours anyhow.

also, in case anyone wants to have any hockey parties and let me know about them, I am willing to bake or bring NHL 2001 for the Playstation, lol.

“A puckbunny?” That’s you, kiddo. That’s everyone who uses your site, so it seems. Little girls or children who are fans because these players are cuties and don’t really understand the game…

I’ve dealt with enough puck bunnies in my time to have to be associated with another one… :rolleyes

Just write already!!!

Here I am — someone who can blog through his ass and back again and a wanna’ be story teller and what has happened? My shit attitude on top of some creative shortcomings has limited me when it comes to actually doing any writing.

I’ve struggled with a few paragraphs of an existing story… A story I need to finish which is dragging on. Me and Tim did some brainstorming what could happen to close out the story and we came up with a conclusion That I think I can work with…

Or can i?

The most difficult thing in storytelling after figuring out what you want to do is getting there… And once you get there, how you are going to draw your story to an end… It’s especially tough when you write about real life or something that could have happened in reality. Reality doesn’t end with “The End”, it goes on and on and a story can be drawn out into more stories or additional info about a tale.

I was stupid enough to paint myself into that corner when I started writing this fable which I am semi-proud of.

Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have to get my ass in gear and try to finish this thing up.

"Screen" Gems

I was hanging around the house yesterday morning when I got a call — which is a rare event because I NEVER get a call. Especially a TDD call. So after the initial freak out and such I finally got my bearings and found out it was Mark from SkyscraperPage. I alluded to some things on here months ago but I never really described them — well, until now.

Mark and me have been friends on the SkyscraperPage forum for a while – we knew each other but we didn’t really KNOW each other until I got real depressed after my operation in August. (one link but a bunch of stories on the subject in the past). I had been real down over a few things going on at the time and had talked about that stuff on SSP. I started finding relief by writing in here and Mark, a fellow writer, had been started chiming in on the forum after I made mention of the writing. We got to talking and I found out he was a screenwriter and a bit more. He was interested in my story after some private communications and we’ve been talking a bit about me and some story ideas since then.

Well, Mark had also told me he’d be in the Bay area in March of 2004 and at the time of the call — Mark was here :smile. We set up a little encounter this afternoon and I just rambled for him some points about myself and what I have gone through. Anecdotes and what not from my life and about who I am. We were doing this over coffee at a new place I discovered not too too far from my house. Looks really cool and I am hoping to be able to hang out with a few of my friends there in the future.

Anyway, back to the story. I told him of a few things – like giving him some details I could remember from the Beatles Lyrics incident, some anecdotes from childhood and growing up, moving down to Clearwater and such. It was fun to ramble like that but sorta awkward too. You couldn’t imagine a story about dear old John appearing in film, could you?

Didn’t think so :wink.

When I am out west next time (not sure when) I need to meet up with him again to keep going over things and just build. He’s got a ton of notes to work with and research if he wants. H also has a ton of work to do as is :tongue. Patience, John, Patience….

Get a better Page(r) on things…

Let’s see how much of an entry I can write through my pager, shall we?

Oh, I’m not posting this through my pager but I am writing it on my pager, and then sending it to my email account and THEN copying it, pasting it, and posting it on Der Stonegauge.

As if I’d have nothing better to do with my time? :tongue

So here we are on Wednesday, I have an eye appointment in a little bit, seems my eye is infected and that is screwing up the works. But first and foremost? LUNCH…. Well, seeing it’s 2PM maybe this should be called something else? You know, sorta like “Snack time” like you had in Elementary School.

I’m heading to my first Lightning game of the season on Friday with Michelle. I would have gone sooner but I’m a gimp and climbing the risers would be tough. Michelle’s been bored out of her mind lately and her boyfriend is working so — good company and great hockey is what will be going on Friday.

“Not a date, definately not a date.” Vincent Vega, Pulp Fiction

The Roundup

Haven’t said very much about me lately and where I stand on a lot of issues — well, not politics and such but me me me…

Selfish? Maybe — this is my web site however so…

Lets see — I did say I felt like a Nowhere Man yesterday and that is indeed the truth to things — maybe that’s feeling sorry for myself as I try to rehab but it feels like the truth. I got nothing going on, no idea where I am going to, etc…

Meanwhile, what’s going on with my writing? I’ll tell you exactly what is going on — nothing. Sadly at that. I can’t get the get-go to write, and I can’t finalize stories. I still have two assignments to do for the Long Ridge Writers Group and I can’t quite do them :sad

I am supposed to start outpatient therapy next week which is certainly a plus – it’ll get me out of the house 3 times a week and help me attain my goal of getting my ass back into shape… The only problem is, when I get back to being a mobile being, I still have both physical and mental obstacles to overcome… And social, can’t forget social…

Rented Movie Reviews

So on this post bitter-singles day, I have for you a pair of films I have seen in the past 24 hours:

The Sum Of All Fears: Ben Affleck takes over the role of Jack Ryan from Harrison Ford with this prequel/sequel to the Jack Ryan movies. Personally I never cared for Ford in the role of Ryan, and The Hunt for Red October happens to be my favorite Clancy film (even with it’s cheesey special effects and it’s terrible mock ups of submarines). At any rate, this film moves a young version of Jack Ryan — CIA analyst — into the 21st century which sorta makes things weird. The Hunt for Red October was supposed to have happened around 1985… The other films in the series (Patriot Games and Clear and Present Danger – two titles, by the way, that George W. Bush has no comprehension of the meanings) I have no clue when they were supposed to have happened but they starred the elder Harrison Ford after Alec Baldwin launched the Jack Ryan series with Hunt

ok, enough of the explaining… what did I think of the film?

Well, not being someone who has read the book, I enjoyed Sum even though the plot was confusing at times. The film is basically a nuclear standoff between the US and Russia as Neo-Nazi terrorists attempt to start war between the two nations. I actually liked Ben Affleck playing Jack Ryan – a mix of every-man instead of super-hero from what Harrison Ford brought to the role. When one watched the original Jack Ryan film, Red October, you saw Jack didn’t want to be there when sent to do something because he was expendable (“Next time, Jack, just write a god damned memo.” ) An all star cast of James Cromwell, Morgan Freeman, Liev Schreiber and Bridget Moynahan — meow! — round out this film. Worth a viewing – even if it drags at points.

Intolerable Cruelty: You know, i didn’t have my hearing device on when I watched this film and I have a strange thing happen every time I watch a George Clooney film — I think of him as speaking in a southern drawl, much like he di din his role in O, Brother, Where art thou? . I guess it’s just his mannerisms — I just can’t believe he would straight talk through this role of Miles Massey when Miles Massey seems totally obsessed with his teeth and white smile.

The film premise is simple — it’s about divorce and Miles Massey is the best divorce lawyer around. Cathrine Zeta-Jones (meow!) is a man eater, looking to get hitched, get divorced and make a ton of money off it. Of course, these two collide and that’s the basis for the entire film. Sure we get lessons on love and such, with a few laughs in between… but I can’t help wondering how gay Miles Massey’s assistant, Wrigley, happens to be?

You have to wonder if someone writing a review, bringing that question up, actually enjoyed the movie? I did, I honestly did… but there was a little comfortableness about the movie. I usually get this with Coen Brother movies but it doesn’t mean there is anything bad with the film. This is worth a viewing and I won’t spoil it with any more talk. :grin

Anyway, I hope to publish my list of movies rented in the past year an a general thumbs up/thumbs down next to each movie. We’ll see what happens…

Thinking of taking a (hockey) Dive….

I used to write, a long long time ago, for a hockey publication.. A local one… One that had a good little mix of local readers and local fans talking it up and hanging out on the site…

This of course was a crappy Rivals.com site but it worked. It had a dedicated owner, a dedicated set of fans and a couple of kids (including me) who wanted to do what they could to get noticed and get published and what not….

I’d like to try setting something like that up again…. But an MT version of it… (meaning a journal report on the Lightning if it’s possible).

It IS possible, the thing is I am not a great writer — well, it’s not exactly writing as so much reporting and I am a worse reporter than I am a writer… Why? I can’t get to locations to report… Not only hat but when I DO report, I get the information wrong…

I’d love to have a site, though, dedicated to one of the local sports teams and with a team of fans to help report on the team…. The Lightning is the best team to achieve that with, as the Buccaneers want to keep everything in house and the Devil Rays happen to resent their fans with a vengence….

A Tampa Bay Lightning fan site while the Lightning are getting ready for their next playoff push might be fantastic to launch… Though it also might be suicide seeing the NHL is on a collision course with the Apocalypse.

Wolves of the Calla review

I’m done with Wolves of the Calla for over a month, making reference to it before I went into the hospital and finalizing it the day I got out of the hospital… but I haven’t made mention of that once in this journal.

There, I just did… Once.. :tongue

The Dark Tower V starts with a section of the story that was already published online – an introduction to Calla Bryne Sturgis and their dillema with the Wolves… A band of rough-riders/brigands/harriers who steal children from the Calla once every genereation or so. We then have our hero’s — Roland of Gilead (whom the Dark Tower saga revolves around) and his band of Gunslingers — Eddie Dean, Susannah Dean, Jake Chambers and Oy…

And what commences is what seems to be author Stephen King’s literary version of a bridge that gets him back to writing the Dark Tower saga after years off.

What I am saying doesn’t exactly shed new light on the story. I could go into detail with each section of the story and give a general synopsis of what happens, but I won’t. I will say that though we are re-introduced to Father Callahan (who is a character in King’s vampire horror novel, ‘Salem’s Lot), I found some of Wolves of the Calla to be a let down… Specifically the end when not only does the climax come off anti-climatic (build up throughout the story and then — fizzle!), and some points that lead us on to the next chapter of The Dark Tower saga (episode VI, Song of Susannah, due out soon) don’t just put a damper on the story, but a damper on the entire Dark Tower saga.

Does that mean Wolves isn’t worth reading? Oh hell, it’s worth reading. Anyone who has gotten immersed into the Dark Tower saga knows that Wolves is a must read for the sake of one’s sanity… The problem is that Stephen King knows how big the Dark Tower is to himself and his fans, and seems to play up that fact and — as an end result – falls a bit flat with regards to telling the tale and furthering the tale.

The wheel of Ka will continue to revolve for me and drive me to finish the saga when the last two novels are published, but for all the build up, for all the intense wait, for all the long stories and tension that drives Wolves Of The Calla, I still feel let down by the end result of the tale.


Between having to deal with the after-effects of my Monolith (my pet name for my computer) having a Trojan-Horse on Tuesday and me just feeling like complete shit right now becaue of pain and insomnia – getting up an entry in Der Stonegauge hasn’t been much of a priority lately.

That being said – I had to make it a priority today just because I violated my own rule about having to write each day to keep from being destroyed…. Finding something else in teh world instead of pain and discomfort is something that writing might help with….

At least for a few seconds until I am done with this entry…. like right now


…With lack of much more to do right now (though I should be writing) I decided to offer my web design services to Mike Emmons and his District Seven campaign here in Florida. Of course there are bigger issues at stake than just his web site but of course – first things first and I am just a humble web designer who’s got one too many Political thoughts for his own good.

Emmons happened to be screwed in the IT field by Outsourcing. My only concern is his campaign is a one-trick pony like Nader’s was in 2000… He’s probably got more stances on more things and an idea what constituents are thinking of but right now his site reflects only one concern and thus – well, it leaves many to wonder how much this guy is supposed to be better than the incumbent?

There are a lot fo things I deducted looking at his page — room for improvement is there. The question is, can the passion of a presidential campaign rub off on a US House race and use some of the same logic? I am guessing that it very well could work.

Last hours

I feel odd tonight. Very much alone even though I’ve heard from friends – some of them – and had gotten in touch with Andy (my younger brother) who I don’t get to talk to as much since he moved out of the house…

Something’s missing… Maybe it’s just because I’ve been through this shit twice before in the last year and there was something that came up each time and it didn’t come up at the same time…


I don’t know what to say and I don’t know to stay silent. There is no joy in silence – that much I have learned. There is joy in laughter but there is no joy when the laughter is held back because the ache is too apparent. There are no smiles when the grim is hanging over you and there are only so many things you can do before you go slowly insane with worry and fear.

So, John Fontana, Neurofibrometosis Type 2 sufferer, will be going of the air again for the second time in only a few months. The Stonegauge falling silent may or may not happen – tht depends on certain people who I have entrusted this page to.

Why do I want the page to go on — even if it’s mundane stuff being reported about people’s private lives? Because the point of the Stonegauge, since I was originally broken hearted in March of this year, was to stay drunk on writing in a way to escape the day to day… Finding words sometimes were the only way to get through… I would like tha carried on even if I am not here. I know that isn’t the easiest thing to do, nor is it something desired by those who have done it in the past, but it’s there to do and I am hoping it goes on….

The operation is scheduled for 7:30 AM… It’s supposed to last six hours…. I might be under anesthesia, but these will likely be the longest 6 hours of my life — defining just who I am going to be and what life I will lead for the remainder of my mortal existence…

There is stuff I want to say in closing but alas, they are really empty statements and not true words…. There is a lot of emptiness around… Emptiness that is caused by things out of my hands — beyond my control. Shit happens and all of that…. Who’s to say that’s not true? Decisions that you make – so yourself alone.

Take care, all. A happy and joyous Thanksgiving to those who find this site – and best wishes for the Holidays.

Words that make you call out Poo

It’s funny how I was believing that writing was a salvation from drowning or being destroyed by reality, and i haven’t had the ability to write anything or want to write anything for a while now.

Check the journal, you can see the rants haven’t been there — they’ve been snippets here and there, not much more. In some cases they’ve been a few paragraphs, but the substance? What has the substance been?

Words, feelings, worries, blah blah blah blah blah.

I’m in a rut, no thanks to life as I know it an my health making life shit for me. I’m in a rut even trying to do what I know I am capable of doing. Self doubt, maybe procrastination… they are both stifling what I used to covet.

And of course the lack of creativity right now… The lack of a market… The lack of some push from something or someone special…

I feel like I am oblivion incarnate, or perhaps the embodiment of what is wrong with this world. I need some time – or a vacation from my life, from myself… from my worries and doubts… Maybe I just nee d a trip to Euphoria again? Happiness seems like such a distant land, even though I can find contentment shooting the shit up with some of my friends.

Maybe that’s all I should be relying on now? The little help from my friends when my Friends need a little help from my humor? There’s got to be more to my life though — I couldn’t stay sane with just that alone…. Though I am edging insanity as is.

Writers…. 

Ever struggle to just do basic things in writing — like your own private journal?

Or assignments hanging over your head?

Or emails?

Or anything that requires some work?

That’s me right now :sad

Reloaded Ramblings

Well, I’ve been feeling :puke since late last night. Honestly, I was up until 6 AM because my stomach was doing knots and I couldn’t have slumber sweep me away. It didn’t help that I had stayed in bed until noon the day before….:sleepy I gotta get back to normal hours.

At any rate, Mike gave me The Matrix Reloaded as requested as a late birthday present (speaking of late birthday’s – my silence towards other’s birthday’s is only because of other’s silence twoards mine). I had seen the movie back in June so it wasn’t like I was unaware what happened…

But come on, folks… you should know me. Well, maybe you don’t. I happen to be deaf and use a device to help me hear — but most conversations are tough on me. So I depend on captions with TV and the like.

What does this have to do with Re-Woah-ded? It’s time for my delayed review on the film now that i understand just WTF was going on (not to say I didn’t through watching the movie with just the images on screen).

I look at this movie and I watch it and after dropping all the rehetoric — “It’s about choice”, “Cause and effect”, “It’s understanding that choice and why you made it” and all the other stuff — I find the film’s aim to be about Faith. Undying faith.

How did I jump to this conclusion? Neo being ridiculed by the Architect for having hope. The fact that Morpheus is at a cross roads (“I have lived a dream and now that dream is gone from me.”), and how much the people of Zion and even the machines must believe in Neo — or believe in themselves for that matter — in order to survive the coming onslaught from the Machines.

There’s the love story that you see in this film which is faith in a bond between two people (sidenote – the scene with the cave and Neo making it with Trinity could have been edited out and re-shot with just the two of them in bed in the warm afterglow. That might have moved the movie along faster).

I don’t know, maybe I am missing something here — maybe I just enjoy the movie enough to not care to see the contradictions that the critics are talking about… I see this as a film of faith. As will Revolutions end up being.

Keanu Reeves has said the movies are about “Birth, Life and Death” which scares me a bit because I don’t want to see Neo get killed off to save everyone else. I want to see everyone else saved somehow with Neo leading the way…..

Oh well, so much as for that.

I got my writing assignment back from Herr Fisher and need to work on that sometime soon. I don’t know when I will however. Sorta discouraged and sort of just blah right now with writing — though this entry came off my mind/fingers pretty well. We’ll see what happens.


I’m thinking too much right now….

About my pager and the conversation I had today with Michelle who gave me props for the story I made mention of on here yesterday….

About Melanie’s new journal online – Which I recommend.

About the fact the Marlins just whooped the Cubs

About how Mike was pissed when he found out I got him a 100+ dollar birthday gift last month (even though his Birthday was in August) and how he started nagging me for what I wanted for my birthday….

About Glimmer Train Publications and wondering if I am wasting my time waiting for them

About the truth, about the lies, about the silence, avoidance, dismmisal… The wall.

About how Bill just dropped me a lien from my old computer, set up in his apartment in Orlando. Unexpectedly but pleasant all the same.

About how it seems Bill already has the blaster worm. Damnit.

About “Peter’s Problem” — the fact it needs a title and the fact I need to get my ass in gear and finish writing that thing.

About the fact that there are other things I need to write that could lead to bigger things — vague, yes, but a previous post I made that is also vague is part of the explination…

About how I had no idea what to write today except song lyrics. I never heard One Headlight by the Wallflowers but I wanted to post the lyrics.

About ‘Round Here:

But the Girl on the car in the parking lot says, “Man you should try and take a shot
“Can’t you see my walls are crumbling?”
And she looks up at the building,
Says she’s thinkin’ of jumpin’
She says she’s tired of life,
She must be tired of somethin’!

‘Round here
She’s always on my mind
‘Round here (hey man)
I’ve got lots of time
‘Round here
We’re Never sent to bed early
And nobody makes us wait
‘Round here we stay up very very very very late
Oh man, I said I’m under the gun ’round here….
And I can’t see nothing. Nothing. Around here….

That’s what I’m thinking about…..

"The Art of…" Writing

SoN I’ve been giving a lot of people crap over the last few weeks aobut a story I had been working on – it’s a story I came back to about 2 or 3 weeks ago and just decided to finish with regards to finally putting the idea down on paper and … well, FINISHING it.

It’s a nice piece of work, IMHO. I have to thank Tim for helping me out with a suggestion for the end. Big props!

This is the first story I’ve written without being tied to Long Ridge. I’m still a student, but I did this thing on my own and I’m pretty proud of it. Just shy of 3000 words, so it’s a bit longer than most of my stories I have written so far, but there are required thoughts because I did something with this story I never do with my writing:

I wrote it in the first person.

This isn’t an autobiographical tale, of course. It’s about a guy who gets fired and puts off dealing with it and gets in more trouble with his life. If and when it gets published — big If seeing how many authors are out there — I’ll post it here. Maybe I’ll submit it to Glimmer Train before the month is over?

It’s a good story. Those who are interested in reading it — just drop me a line.

Now all I have to do is get back to another couple of stories — Peter’s Problem for instance – which I am trying to write about in a notebook offline seeing I have reached an impasse with the story on my computer.

*Sigh* escape.

Just a little taste — part two

In a previous entry, I had given the opening of an ongoing story I am writing that hasn’t yet reached it’s end point and hasn’t yet been edited.

I think some people read that piece of writing and jumped to the wrong conclusions and got on me in part for it — others were just bored to shit and didn’t know what to make of it.

I’m posting the next little snippet just to keep myself occupied….
Read More

Lack of comprehension

It really bugs me… not just bugs me – hurts me — when I have someone close to me not able to comprehend what I’m going through with my life and doesn’t seem to open up to try to understand it better.

Who am I talking about? My brother.

You see, Mike decided to get on me because he found out a birthday gift I got him cost a bit of cash.. This is the same guy who gave me an LCD monitor as a gift last year… Him bitching about expensive gifts is the last thing he should be doing. At any rate, he also wanted me to watch the first season of Alias and got on me when he found out I hadn’t been wasting my time watching it all day every day.

He then got on me for my time spent online and told me I really needed to just drop online friends period.

Great, Mike, you hit the nail on the head with something I would love to do. Did you forget that I lost my hearing a few years back and it makes physical conversation difficult (so much so that if you won’t make an attempt to talk to me, why do you think others will)? How about the fact that I don’t have a social job right now, compared to yourself, that gets me out in the open every day? Well, before you harp on me about having a job, how about the fact you see I am a gimp right now and walking around with a walker? Struggling up and down the stairs every day and a god-damned shut in up until I get a wheelchair? Does that, possibly, make any more sense to you why I deal with anyone online instead of going out right now…?

It’s not like I gave up on life… Unlike the man who harped on me for not sitting on my ass and just watching movies all day… No… I try to accomplish with the little bit of ability I have to do stuff (writing, web design). Maybe I talk to people online but it’s not like it’s a wide plethora of people. In fact it’s a closing world of people….

Sorry to whine, sorry to rant, sorry to have the bar at the Pity Party open for business… I just had to vent my frustrations.


Well, on a sidenote from yesterday that I forgot to mention, I received my last assignment package from Long Ridge Writers Group. It made me feel sorta proud and at the same time -nervous all over again if I am going to be able to complete this shit or not…. Between the two assignments there was some 300+ pages, it would seem. I’m probably exaggerating but at the same time there’s a good chance I am not.

I’m also having worries about having the oomphf to do assignment 6. Not the writing but I mean I am already committed to this story concept.. I’d rather be able to wing it again. Write on my terms, etc…

Actually this IS on my terms, I wrote the opening and concept for the story — I just don’t want to be committed to it right now because I had to stop cold instead of continuing on with the story when the idea was fresh in my mind….

Night note

I was right… :rolleyes

Anyway, my day was bah humbug for the most part. Not that I was sour towards my birthday or things happening but nothing much happened. I DID however have a kick ass workout and surprised my trainer with my strength. That made me feel good for the entire day.

I also had a couple fo dreams last night that I am still trying to understand. I can’t remember all of them but I know I won a writing contest… no, correction… I came in second place (as “stonegauge” — not as my real name) and had money coming to me. I then had a bunch of stuff happen and I snuck off — grabbed a gun from someone and went to deal with Mexican revolutionaries inside a cave who were shooting a movie? Strange… I killed Pancho Villa and a couple of other guys… They thought the gun had blanks… sucks to be them huh….

Now if only that made more sense to me.

As of right now, 2 percent of the precincts in California are reporting and CNN and the media is declaring winners. This really pisses me off because they screwed up like this in 2000. Why declare it so early??

Well, I can’t say much more… Actually I could but it’s not my time to talk.

Mi Dia

Bill Erickson’s niece, Emma Christine (don’t know her last name) was born around 1 PM EDT this afternoon. I don’t know all the stats but I will post them when I have them.

An hour later, my neighbor since I moved into my current residence, Mila, passed away at 83… She’s been through some real hardships the last 14 years and plenty more before we ever moved in. It will be strange living in a world without her

I’ve just found out my Aunt will be on MSNBC on December 4th… Certainly something I would like others to see but as far as I know, things will fall apart worse before then…

This goes without saying a lot about me – as I would think that most of my journal entries have lately — they’ve made brief mentions about things going on on the Internet or perchance other opinions I have but not really talked about me. It’s assumed that I am doing fine if anyone at all is wondering how I am doing. Certainly my writing is a little more to-the-point yet short and meaningless if you really think about it. There have been a few cases where my posts have had a meaning and those who needed to know the meaning got it, unfortunately it just continued to put things in a bad light because I let emotions get to me by posting that in the first place…

At any rate, what is new with me? Besides writing, there isn’t much. I saw Doc Smith this morning and had a wheel chair prescribed to me. I’ve also had my mother bullshit me with regards to moving downstairs — into the windowless living room of the house and having an “apartment” int eh home. Why are we talking this? Because I need another operation and scheduling it is only being put off by my worries of life without legs/being wheelchair bound until further notice.

I started talking about moving out — It’d be simpler than the bullshit idea of converting a dark room into a bedroom apartment.

Personally I am right back where I was in… say, April and May 2002 when it comes to dealing with people I meet on line — they all turn out to be shallow. You might make someone laugh but they will ditch you if they see a picture they don’t like.

*sigh* Memories from the corner of my mind – when that stuff didn’t matter with a few people I met on here..

Emma Christine’s birthday present looks more and more like a Buccaneer win… Reminding me of something that happened 24 years ago tomorrow with the Giants beating the 5-0 Bucs (my father is a Giants fan). Wonder what tomorrow has in store for me if anything? Besides a Total Recall….

Editing Aggravations

The story I liked best that I wrote before I started Long Ridge, the story of Thomas and his death which I called Ignorant Bliss, is a mess right now. The focus doesn’t remain on Thomas at certain points and confuses the reader a bit, you don’t know certain facts until too late in the story (though you can’t know everything until later because you are supposed to be as ignorant as Thomas) and at 5000 words, I am going to have to edit the story down for submission.

I got my work cut out for me on my labor of love.

Editing can be a good thing. It can also be an aggravation especially when you are sort of happy what you wrote through Zen=writing with no editing. Just throw-it-out-until-you-are-done-and-damn-editing.

Of course, I earned a major ego boost with props i got for the editing job I did of my last assignment which used to appear on my Poetry section. So I know I am capable of editing it’s just a grand task. I am going to have to go back and edit the story I finished last night too, but I need some feedback before I even try that… Just for outside ideas what’s wrong with it.

….And I need to get my ass working on fresh ideas, because I’m coming from one direction with everything I write right now, which typecasts me. I want to be known as someone who has a wide variety genre’s instead of just one.


I’ve been pressing myself to write today. I mean, I started with the “Peter’s Problem” story but I actually decided to put that on ice for now until I have the next urge. I started going back to other manuscripts that I started writing in the past and trying to finish those stories up – or at least contribute to them.

Yeah, piece by piece is what I am trying to add to stories. Some of them I had a clear plan with when I started them and others — well, others were a lot of just me writing what was on my mind – a vision — and hoping I found something to do with them.

Leah was over again this afternoon — 3 weeks in a row. I appreciate that because it ads another dimension to my day.

And for the sake of saying so, I looked into upgrading my web space on Dreamhost for the sake of allowing me to host more domains in the future.

Just a little taste

I’m going to give you folks (my readers) a little chance to read a piece of that story (32 pages) that I am writing. if you’re interested in more – please say so… Click on the below link to check out the lead to the story.
Read More


Researching writing markets… blah!

Sadly and sardonicly ironic discoveries during research – double blah!

*grumble grumble*

Distractionless research – triple blah!

*grumble, grumble… grrrr*