Tag: love


The weight of their worlds

Lay their hardships unto me
Their doubts, their fears
Their degradations

Lay their weights upon my shoulders,
Threats and harms
Leave them be

Steer them straight, right, and true
Deliver from evil
And to the promise of the now

Yes, lay their hardships unto me
And through my suffering
Spare them all

Txting ur way 2

This would be funny if some of it weren’t so true:

Everyone loves getting mail

Not one of my better poems, was written in a bit of a rush the other night when I had this thought on my mind… Inspired in part by The Lake House


I want to write you this letter
I want to spend time in thought and
Trying to figure out what I’d say to you
It’s great when you get a letter in the mail

And I’m thinking about writing a letter
It’s been a few weeks since we talked and
Right now you’re on my mind
Whether you like that idea or not

So it’s been a few weeks since we talked
The last time we did, we fought and
I let you walk all over me,
While you had good reason to be pissed

Yet I was all apologies
All in all is all we are
You never offered me the same
For you getting all angry and acting lame
I’d better not write you this letter after all

Why I better not write this letter
Because you just don’t respect me and
You got me tied around your little finger
And just twist and twist me tighter than a knot

Knots can be so cruel
They can be like feeling locked inside
Yeah, feelings can be knots too
Cinching tighter and restraining things

So I’m writing you this letter
I’m just a piece of twine twisted around
Your pinkie is red from this yarn
That we’ve both been spinning for ages

And it’s great getting letters in the mail
Last one I sent you was years ago
And I tap-tapity-tapped it up on my keyboard
My handwriting is a horror unto itself

The horror of my day
Realizing I still have feelings for you
And you’ve pretty clearly moved stage left
The lights are bright on Broadway
“The Producers” is better watched with an audience

And I don’t know if you care
Getting a letter in the mail from me
Letters in the mail are great but even better
When you don’t expect them
I’m the king of “don’t-expect’em”

And my wrist is getting
Writing out this yarned ramble
Ramble – what we know so well
What we loved, what we lived, what we did for hours

And I watched this movie
And it got me thinking that i ought to
Write you a letter
You could care less about the addressee
Your residence wasn’t hard to find

So I’m closing this letter off
Hoping to put things to rest even though it’s
Special to get a letter in the mail
And I want to share special with you again

All in all is all we are
Kurt Cobain is formally dead and
You can’t respect someone who kisses your ass
It just doesn’t work

So I watched this movie tonight
I wanted to write you a letter
I wanted to write you this letter
It’s great getting something in the mail

© John Fontana



All I can do is watch you from
Your blonde hair
Shifting with the breeze –
Willow branches taunted by the
Throes of air as it bows and
Sways where and when
The hidden forces will it

All I do is admire you from
Smile darting and mischievous
Youth and happiness
Escaping into a
Cynical world
Anarchy and confusions
Life as we both know it

All I can do is endeavor into your
Mysteries of your being —
Auroras in the heavens
Blazing and dancing
Wonderment, allure,
Compelling me to try,
Try again

All I can do know you through my
Out of reach, out of knowing
Out of a solution to the confusions
That find me enamored by you
Knowing nothing is a bliss
Having nothing — torture
Yet having this dream spoiled
Having the answers
May just extinguish the
Artistic maelstrom
Your palette paints into my

I can't get there from here

My biological clock is tickin’ like this! (stomping feet) At this rate, I ain’t neva’ gettin’ married!” — Marisa Tomei (as Mona Lisa Vito) in My Cousin Vinny

A couple of months back, my friend Terra had asked me if guys start having the biological clock thing and start feeling antsy about things. This was inspired by her friend Marc who seemed to be getting that way in wanting to settle down (I forget the exact details of the conversation). I do remember telling her that generally I (as a guy) felt like it was time to grow up and some people also must get it.

I never expected a feeling of dread that I am missing out on more (love, family) until today.

I’m rather chronic with wanting to get involved and I know I bitch and whine elsewhere about my prospects.. Yet I’ve never felt like I would want, need or have a child. That’s probably still the overall realistic truth (I’m single, I am not dating, I am not sleeping around, nor am I the type to just sleep around)…

Yet last night, out of nowhere while my head was weaving it’s magic through the dreamscape — i had a child. I mean, I was the father of a little girl that appeared in the wandering farscapes and such of my subconscious. A little blond haired girl with glasses who thought I was going to be upset with her that she bought herself a toy instead of something else she needed. I re-assured her I wasn’t and put on a happy face. I also ended up — while trying to fix her glasses — breaking her spectacles by accident.

But what has nagged at me is my knowing the girl thought I was her father and I was her father.

I really need to get my mind off this subject and the entire subject of romance right now. Nothing good is going to come from a forced encounter with a stranger that I meet in this state-of-mind…

The prudes didn't catch this, did they?

Saturday Night Live was a must see for me last night cuz Hugh Laurie was on. While I love House M.D, it’s his comedy that made this a must-see broadcast. An appearance by Borat on the show was an added perk (along with Beck as the musical guest).

Of course, Borat did what he could before SNL went off the air to add some controversy.

I don’t have a picture, but at the veeeeeeeeeery end of the SNL broadcast last night — while everyone was congregated on stage and the end credits were rolling, Baron Sacha Cohen (AKA Borat) got down on his knees in front of Hugh Laurie and imitated giving head. I was sure the prudes and the FCC would be all over NBC for this (needlessly) but am happy to report nothing is listed on Google News pertaining to this little item…

…but if it pops up somewhere this week in the news, you heard it hear first.

Lost Inside

Seen my feelings lost inside forever
Couldn’t we be good together?
Girl, you are my everything,
You’re all my wants and craves

Lost inside the secret you
What am I supposed to do
Girl, you are my majesty
I’ll worship you forever

Only known I’ve lost my mind
Oh, why worry? Never mind
Everything that I do crave
Is lost inside your being

Now to find you,
I need to be your everything,
Fit the bill and fly the path,
Our equation, do the math,
Add us two and then subtract –
The worries and the hardships

Seen my feelings inside you, girl
Oh my, honey, what a world
What am I supposed to do?
I’ve stayed lost inside the secret you

And inside, I’ve lost my mind
Oh, why worry? Never mind
Everything I’ll always crave
Is lost inside the secret you

©1998 John P. Fontana
Read More

Pissed to the brim — ranting and rambling

You ever get to the point where you’re social desire is that to take the face of the next person who annoys you and rip it off?

How about having the stark contradiction inside you that you feel like no one does / could care about you while you’ve lost your temper just moments ago in front of people who DO care about you? I guess it’s a family / lover type thing. Oh sure, you have family and friends who care about you but you are missing that one special person. That one person that you will do anything for. The one person who realizes you will do anything for them because of how much you mean to them.

I've Lost You Again Today

The conversation closed and the good Lord only knows
When I’ll speak with you again
You’re leaving today, winging ‘way on a plane
And I’ve lost you again today

We’ve known each other for quite a few years,
Shared our laughter, anger and tears
We’re lovers of past
Friends of today
Yet something’s been missing in things we say

I lost you once when you needed space
I lost you twice when you moved away
I’ve lost you to another man
Now I’m losing you to a foreign land

But away, you’ve gotta go
The life you chose is the life you know
And your life’s heading in another direction
We’d only crossed at an intersection
Each time you’ve gone, you’ve come back to me
And I hope that’s how it’ll always be

I know you’re happy with the plan:
You’re path in life, your future, your man
But something in me’s been gone a long, long time
The joy you bring and the way you can–
Fill me up with hope and glee
Honey, you’ve always completed me
But the time grows short and the rhyme grows long
I look again and now you’re gone

You’re on your way, with part of me
It seems that you have some secret key
You unlock my smiles and my zany side
Ignite my passions and calm my mind
But you’re not mine — yet you’ll always be
I’ve lost you again, you’re flying free
I’ve lost you again, as you glide ‘cross the sea

© 2005 John Fontana

Double Doggie D'OH!

The Dog is supposed to be six weeks old today. I haven’t seen a picture yet. I haven’t heard much of anything at all. I’m eager to hear and at the same time – I’m hearing nothing.

There was a dog I was told about by Jenna before I met Kerrie Kuper, this dog was in Orlando – another Whippet – and the his family was considering moving into a place where no dogs would be allowed. They loved Rip, but they would have to give him up… Or not. Jenna kept me informed about Rip’s status and as it turned out – Rip wasn’t going anywhere…. Supposedly.

Yesterday I found out that he was given away to someone in St. Petersburg, some time ago. I got to see his picture and I got to get angry because I missed out on my opportunity to already have a dog instead of waiting… Waiting in ignorance…. Waiting anxiously. Waiting…

Fontana MD

So I’m sitting down, watching the opening minutes of House last night on FOX and end up going hysterical over the fact that House drugged his former lovers husband and called the paramedics before he even arrived… It just seemed so funny and prick-ish and just perfect for Greg House (Hugh Laurie, who hath erased the mockery of his abilities that was his role in the Stuart Little movies were).

My older brother walks in on me to see why I am laughing so hard, and once i explained to him his face lit up a bit and he started relating to me how he loves the show… and so do his friends who call him House when they see him….

Mike’s always been weird in one way or another and I started thinking about the comparison between him and Greg House. House is distant, he’s bitingly sarcastic, shrewd, genius, cold… Mike is… Well, Mike is all of those things, except he’ll smile more often than House, he’ll joke more often than House (for the good of humor, not out of sarcastic desire).

Mike IS Greg House.

I’ve known women who’ve wanted to grab the mystery for themselves with Mike. You can’t quite imagine women wanting House but the mystery about him is there…. Helping to drive Dr. Cameron unsuccessfully towards him.

It’s odd, first my brother happens to look like David Duchovney… Now he happens to be like Greg House. What’s next? He starts making as much money as (insert movie star here)?

The doggie in the window

If there’s one thing on my mind more often lately, it’s gettign a dog… My younger brother went and got himself a great Dane puppy, my family hasn’t really had an active dog since Brownie passed a few years ago. Honey — god bless her, was a sloth who just loved to eat and didn’t do much besides sun herself outside.

Under Jenna’s influence, I’m interested in getting a Whippet but my sources are non existent. I’m not looking for a champion but I’m not looking for a mutt either… I’m also not looking for an over-physical dog tha will jump all over me and knock me around without knowing (thus why I haven’t gone after a pitbull).

The people and things….

I got nostalgic yesterday a bit not just because of where I was and who I was with, but also someoen I ended up talking to via email….

Eric Rosell, one of my best friends growing up – the kid aroudn the corner – got married in a small ceremony at a local church. It was the first time I had seen his parents in a few months, the first time I had seen his brother in a few years and the first time I had seen his sister in more years. It was amazing I was attending Eric’s wedding, surreal even. (sidenote – is it bad luck if a Catholic is married on teh day the Pope dies? I hope not)

I grew up playing or hanging out at Eric’s house. I was the one that was first notably enamoured with someone of the opposite sex… Or at least the first to make a big deal otu of love and romance and stuff like that. This, that and the other thing – I saw my childhood before me — even as it disappeared further.

The nostalgia didn’t end there as I heard from Danae – the girl who live ddownt eh block for a time who I was flipped out for. I had sent her an email wishing her a happy birthday — strange how sometimes you feel like it’s not yoru place to say soemthing like that and yet you have no problem with doing so with other people who are almost complete strangers. She got to breaking me the news her grandmother – who lives down the block – had passed away at Christmas (which I wasn’t aware of) and other things. I remembered being smitten with the saphire-eyed girl who lived at the corner… I thought of the memory of the past – and the awkwardness and malignance the relationship had in general.

But of all negatives in the past – they’ve been forgiven. If not forgotten by me.


Nice to have an old friend drop me a line — Robert, thanks for showing up man….

It was not so nice, however, to discover that my former love and my bane at the same time has gone the way to digital tumbleweeds, so to speak. Beatlelyrics.com is now a spammer site… Apple Corp LTD couldn’t be bothered to renew a domain name and now a spammer owns it. Nice, fellas. You guys suck so much when it comes to business, it’s not even funny.


You know, last year I played the scorned and jaded lover… Last year I wrote about how I hurt and how I felt used and blah blah blah. I was worshipping Bitter Singles Day and writing a tome to them (which I will not link to tonight becuase I feel sick :p ).

It’s funny the difference a year can make….

This year I am kissing strangers and joking around, in good spirits. This year I am waiting eagerly for that special someone who is my left hand. This year I feel complete. This year I’m in love once again.

This year is a different world and I am glad I returned to it.

That being said, I still must send out regards to the lonely out there — there is hope and it will hit… Just make sure you keep your morals high and don’t bend for a moment. Don’t fool yourself iwth false emotion. It’ll be surprising when you find them… It is for me.

Wedding Gift

So Josh and Michelle are getting hitched Sunday and now that I have some time to cram on the gift — I’m hitting a wall creatively. Not hitting a wall but my first intuition is that the poem I was going to give them, framed and with art, isn’t going to cut it.

I originally wrote this thing with a girl named Jamie Rose and her boyfriend from High School in mind. I wrote it because I felt guilty for having a crush on the chick when she was so in love with her boyfriend.

So now I am wondering what I should do — edit it where need be? Keep it as is? Bah! Choices, choices!

And let no one put assunder, for together they are a whole….

Never Been Here Before

Rock Me Gently
Andy Kim

Ain’t it good
Ain’t it right
That you are with me
Here tonight
The music playin’
Our bodies swayin’ in time
(In time, in time, in time)

Touching you
So warm and tender
Lord, I feel such a sweet surrender
Beautiful is the dream that makes you mine

Rock me gently
Rock me slowly
Take it easy
Don’t you know
That I have never been loved like this before

Baby baby

Rock me gently
Rock me slowly
Take it easy
Don’t you know
That I have never been loved like this before

Oh my darlin’
Oh my baby
You got the moves that drive me crazy
And on your face I see a trace of love
(Of love, of love, of love)

Come hold me close
Don’t let me go
I need you, honey
I love you so
You were made for me by the stars above

Rock me gently
Rock me slowly
Take it easy
Don’t you know
That I have never been loved like this before

And baby baby!
Rock me gently
Rock me slowly
Take it easy
Don’t you know
That I have never been loved like this before

Rock me gently
Rock me slowly
Take it easy
Don’t you know
That I have never been loved like this before

Ain’t it good
Ain’t it right
That you are with me
Here tonight

Rock me gently
Rock me slowly
Take it easy
Don’t you know
That I have never been loved like this before

Baby baby!
Rock me gently
Rock me slowly
Take it easy
Don’t you know
That I have never been loved like this before

Thank you, Jenna…


One of THOSE days

It’s one of those days….

A day where I feel trapped and like everything in the world is wrong. A day where I try to rock the boat and I have people complaining that I need to change myself and it’s not their problem if they treat me like I am 8 inches tall.

It’s one of those days where it feels no one wants anything to do with me… One of those days where I can’t get out because of injury and not because of conditions (I love the cold).

It’s one of those days….

…and I’m tired of it.

The sad thing was….

Terra found out she’s having a boy, as you know, and I gave her congrats on here. We haven’t talked much since but she also ran past me how she wants to name him:

terracassiday: so do u like Aidan Reese Linder?

terracassiday: or Aiden whichever

Stonegauge: Did you get Aiden from Sex and the City?

terracassiday: nope

terracassiday: just a really irish name

Stonegauge: I like the name BUT it seems TV inspired when I look at it. Reese is a main character from “Malcom in the Middle” and Aiden was a character on Sex and the City

terracassiday: haha definately not either since i have never seen malcom in the middle

terracassiday: and who is aiden in sex in the city?

terracassiday: and if thats ur only complaint i’ll take it as i’m gunna keep it

Stonegauge: He was Carrie’s BF before she met the Russian… The guy she had lived with at one point. The guy who played Aiden (or was it Aidan ) also played the love interest in My Big Fat Greek Wedding

terracassiday: haha thats sad that u remember that but i dont

Stonegauge: I barely watched the show too! It’s sad I remember PERIOD! 😆

Honestly, that name is great and I like it… and Sex in The City can be great too.. but as Aiden once told Big while Big rambled in sorrow about a girl not being availible for him on the phone…. “That’s Fucked up!”

I love this casting…

Well, I’m interested in seeing what Bryan SInger does with Superman… I hope it’s not a retelling like Batman Begins or the JJ Abrams version of Superman which re-established the franchise in total.

The casting I REALLY REALLY love is Kevin Spacey as Lex Luthor. Who else could play that roll but Kevin?? Oh, some of you fanboys will spout off names but this one works for me.

GO ahead, make my day…

No matter what goes on or how mundane things are, I’ve found i have a knack for raising the bar for friends just a little bit here adn there… Just by being myself. Making someone’s day is not something new to me but it’s something that I hadn’t done in a while – well, not conciously.

I could bring up Christmas and gift selections on my part — I got everyone something they loved with exception given to my older brother (who hates everything people get him) and my father (who doesn’t give a care anyway). It was nice to see everyone a bit excited or happy with gifts.

But that was Christmas. What about now?

Well, yesterday I find out Danielle’s birthday is today… And I decide to go benevolent and send her flowers. Just a friendly gift as she is engaged and we’ve demonstrated that we’re not the best for each other. I start talkign to her today and she’s miserable because she’s had her birthday overlooked by her fiancé…. She’s had it ill planned by her future mother in law… She was brroding. She had Rob (her significant other) call and she brougth him down by being down herself. Bummer.

Then the flowers arrive… Just some daisey’s… And you know how big something like that is and how little it is in the grand scheme…? How much of a mood changer it was?

I’m good with shit like that… In all the mundane bullshit that I can whine about, lack of romance and lack of social circle, I can know that I am able to do things that can change someone’s day around or show I care. Maybe this is why I get hurt? Maybe this is why I’m vulnerable?

Maybe this is why I’m one of a kind?

Oh well….

The Mood Change….

I think the lyrics speak for themselves how I am feeling — there is something positive while surrounded by a moment that I can’t get out of….

Beautiful Day

The heart is a bloom, shoots up through the stony ground
But there’s no room, no space to rent in this town
You’re out of luck and the reason that you had to care
The traffic is stuck and you’re not moving anywhere
You thought you’d found a friend to take you out of this place
Someone you could lend a hand in return for grace

It’s a beautiful day
The sky falls and you feel like
It’s a beautiful day
Don’t let it get away

You’re on the road but you’ve got no destination
You’re in the mud, in the maze of her imagination
You love this town even if that doesn’t ring true
You’ve been all over and it’s been all over you

It’s a beautiful day
Don’t let it get away
It’s a beautiful day
Touch me
Take me to that other place
Teach me
I know I’m not a hopeless case

See the world in green and blue
See China right in front of you
See the canyons broken by cloud
See the tuna fleets clearing the sea out
See the Bedouin fires at night
See the oil fields at first light, and
See the bird with a leaf in her mouth
After the flood all the colors came out


It was a beautiful day
Don’t let it get away
Beautiful day

Touch me
Take me to that other place
Reach me
I know I’m not a hopeless case

What you don’t have, you don’t need it now
What you don’t know, you can feel it somehow
What you don’t have, you don’t need it now
Don’t need it now
It was a beautiful day

It’s warm in the sun, I reach to the sun

It’s the first set of stanzas that really I can relate to….

Merry Christmas

Please Come Home for Christmas

Bells will be ringing the sad, sad news
Oh what a Christmas to have the blues
My baby’s gone I have no friends
To wish me greetings once again

Choirs will be singing “Silent Night”
Christmas carols by candlelight
Please come home for Christmas,
Please come home for Christmas
If not for Christmas, by New Year’s night

Friends and relations send salutations
Sure as the stars shine above
For this is Christmas, yes, Christmas my dear
It’s the time of year to be with the one you love

So won’t you tell me you’ll never more roam
Christmas and New Year’s will find you home
There’ll be no more sorrow, no grief and pain
And I’ll be happy, I’ll be happy, once again

There’ll be no more sorrow, no grief and pain
And I’ll be happy, happy Christmas, once again

Wishing all the best to everyone… Wishing peace and harmony to the world…. Hoping for better days… Praying for more understanding…. Sending out love to all.

Merry Christmas

A Cold December — random venting.

Random Christmas Eve rants —

I hate having to play the dick but that is what happened a littler earlier today – maybe I didn’t exactly play it but listening to someone start falling all over themselves for the umpteenth time and putting themselves into a shit situation — a dick is all I could be.

This very person had remarked about going with your head and not with yoru heart and how things will be nifty right at the start… This person also happened to tell me, a few minutes later, that she was “in love” with an abusive, controlling, insecure prick who wanted to keep her as a possesion and not as a person.

Over a couple of weeks chatting with this girl, I’d feed her logic and a few days later she comes back with “You were right.” And yet her own self-hate, self-loathing and low self-esteem leads her to punish herself… “This is the best I can do.” “I don’t deserve better”, “I’m not good for anythign more.”


I was also told by this same little girl that I shouldn’t settle for anyone or anything, that I seem like the person who would strive for just what they want… That’s true in a lot of ways but if there is anyone in life that has been resigned to the fact he’s got to settle in the end – its me. You can have personality up the waazoo, you can be sweet and romantic and a really funny guy… You can be selfless or benevolent but it really amounts to shit with people if you got a few things wrong with your person, or don’t meet the market ideal of what a lover should be.

And for the record, you don’t write off people and leave them in the cold (or — even worse — confess to avoiding them) at times when they need your friendship… Or to pull that act 3 or 4 tiems and expect continued benevolence. You can’t expect a friend if you can’t be one… but that’s a cold November story so we’ll just leave it be.

Maybe someone needs to get typing lessons for Christmas. I type fast and don’t copy edit and what happens? I look like I don’t know how to spell anything (typo after typo).


Anyone who tells me they don’t deserve, is full of shit. Anyone who puts up with someone’s abuse is either too in-love or just too insecure to go back to what they had with nothing. Anyone who falls in love with someone else but gets engaged to the guy they are dating just becasue she wasn’t ready to break up yet… Well, that’s just fooling everyone and setting up for problems. You can want to share a bed with someoen but, dear God, you’re REALLY setting up to get screwed by drawing it out like that!

And by the way… Bryan? Not that you read my blog but you really shouldn’t get so upset over Liz. Yes there were a few misteps there but give it time, buddy. Just be a friend or try to be and be content with that. Keep your eyes open as well, you never know what else is goign to come along (and actually be clear about their intentions instead of wishy-washy like a middle-school girl.

Laurel Oak germination

It finally happened a few days ago…

One thing I love to try to do is get a tree seed to germinate. I tried and failed with Slash Pine seeds. It’s tough enough to GET them and even tougher to get them while they are mature.

I tried and failed with Laurel Oak acorns for two years as well. I was getting them when they were dried out — had fallen tot he ground. Some of them were still good but most had lost their moisture and were basically dead.

So, during October after I came back from Los Angeles, I happened upon this little guide to colleciton and storage of Acorns. I had no clue that I needed to keep acorns I collected cool and moist. I also had no clue that I could indeed take them off trees while they were still there (which I had, orignally, but then allowed Acorns to dry out and blah).

So I planted an Acorn for shits and giggles in a pot a couple of weeks ago – oen that I had been storing — and lo and behold there was a little bundle of joy that had come into being just last week… Well, that is… Until the cats found it sitting in the sun… 🙁

The fact is I got something big to grow — big for me that is — that I usually can only find out in the wild. Now if only I knew someplace to PLANT these things where they won’t be mowed down while young…. :p

OK, I'll bite… Which Beatles are YOU?

Bah these online quizes….

humbug — you just got to take cartain ones:

ter>Click Here to Take This Quiz
Brought to you by YouThink.com quizzes and personality tests.

What Beatle are you?

John Lennon

You enjoy poetry, painting & a fine wine. A lover not a fighter.

Personality Test Results

A Day In The Life — 24 Years to the Grave…

Sorry for the lack of updates — besides being tied down with Chantilly Lace work I have been hit hard with computer hardware problems which have basically rendered my computer trash.

I was focusing on this today – the computer problems… And focusing on things going on around me here at home… When it really hit me what today was… I happened to be channel surfing at the time and Imagine: John Lennon showed up on the screen and I felt like I was committing blesphamy….

I hadn’t forgotten. I had just dismissed things… And the documentary really threw me back into realizing the relevance of the day and the significance of what was lost.

Rest in peace, John Ono Lennon. Rest in peace.

In My Life (Lennon/McCartney)

There are places I’ll remember
All my life though some have changed
Some forever not for better
Some have gone and some remain
All these places have their moments
With lovers and friends I still can recall
Some are dead and some are living
In my life I’ve loved them all

But of all these friends and lovers
There is no one compares with you
And these memories lose their meaning
When I think of love as something new
Though I know I’ll never lose affection
For people and things that went before
I know I’ll often stop and think about them
In my life I love you more

Though I know I’ll never lose affection
For people and things that went before
I know I’ll often stop and think about them
In my life I love you more
In my life I love you more

Bun's in the oven

Something is troubling me and it’s a blessid experiences that is culmnivating for a few of my friends right now. I’ve already made brief mention of it here on der Stoengauge but I haven’t really gone into it besides some surface concerns.

I hsve three friends — potentially four — who are pregnant. I’ve made mention of Terra being prregnant, and I made mention of Michelle being pregnant. I didn’t make mention of my younger brother’s ex-girlfriend (and close family friend) Aileen being pregnant (and much farther along than the other two girls)… This one was the first in the series of pregnancies that have come up…

And now? Melanie is late and she’s planning on taking a home pregnancy test soon.

Melanie also went ahead and said I sounded like having children was a bad thing. I felt bad because I have conveyed that image to her. Having children isn’t bad, it’s more like my state of mind right now that is making it out to be bad. It’s me – not them. It’s inexperience and loneliness talking.

I thought, in essence, having a child leads you into another stage of your life. You’re born, you’re raised, and when you become a certain age you enter anotehr stage of yoru life. Maybe I shouldn’t say age but an event? Maybe your sexual awakening, maybe something that just pushes you into having to act beyond your years…

I feel like I’m stuck at a certain stage of my life and that everyone else is eclipsing me. Love, marriage, kids… I’m so ready for more and yet I’m not ready to deal with the big issues of marriage and children (or vice versa if events unfold that way).

Out of Tears….

Out Of Tears

The Rolling Stones

I can’t feel
Feel a thing
I can’t shout
I can’t scream
Breathe it out
Breathe it in
All this love
From within

I won’t cry when you say goodbye
I’m out of tears
I won’t die when you wave goodbye
I’m out of tears
Out of tears

I won’t drink
I won’t eat
I can’t hear
I won’t speak
Let it out
Let it in
All this pain
From within
And I just can’t pour my heart out
To another living thing
I’m a whisper
I’m a shadow
But I’m standing up to sing

I won’t cry when you say goodbye
I’m out of tears
I won’t die when you wave goodbye
I’m out of tears, yes I am
I won’t cry, I swear my eyes are dry
I’m out of tears
I won’t cry, I’m going to tell you why
I’m out of tears
Out of tears
Out of tears

Let it out
From within
Some you lose
Some you win
I can drift
I can dream
Til I float
Off your screen
And I just can’t pour my heart out
To another living thing
I’m a whisper
I’m a shadow
But I’m standing up to sing

I won’t cry when you say goodbye
I’m out of tears
I won’t die when you wave goodbye
I’m out of tears
Out of tears
I won’t cry, I swear my eyes are dry
I’m out of tears
Out of tears
I won’t cry, I’m going to tell you why
I’m out of tears
Out of tears
Out of tears


I’ve known my friend Bill for a couple of years — well, six… Six years we’ve discussed things, six years we’ve talked sports and politics and shit, six years of the same old stuff….

I’ve gotten to know him pretty well and I know he is miserable because he doesn’t have the opportunity to get a job that is up to his level as a college graduate. I know that he is too high-strung to try again at a retail job… I know he’s discouraged to stick his neck out on a job and just keep trying….

I know he is wasting opportunities by sitting home and fretting over what he doesn’t like… What he doesn’t want… And what he worries about.

I told BIll that he ought to seek a job outside of the Bay area… outside fo Florida as well. I know Bill and me are alike in a good number of ways and I know I am itching for a start somewhere else – somewhere new. SOmewhere that isn’t so ass-backwards as Tampa Bay… He’s talked about Boston in the past, he’s got family up there and what not… yet it’s only been talk all these years and at times I have discouraged him because of the talk…

And yet Boston should be looking awfully good to him right now.

The only thing sthat are keeping him here are his nieces and his love for Tampa Bay Sports. The family stuff I can understand, but the sports stuff is absolute bullshit in the grand scheme of things. He’s witnessed the Bucs win the Super Bowl and the Lightning win the Stanley Cup…. He’s been in attendance for one of these events (as was I) and basically the only thing left woudl be the Rays winning the World Series — but he’s more of a Boston fan than Rays fan anyway.

He’s lived here almost 30 years and now, I think, it’d be high time to get his ass out.

It’s high time I start planning on my escape as well… But I digress, that’s a story for another entry at another time.

The trip

Where to begin, where to begin?

“I’m only sorta gimpy. I can get there by myself.” I told a curb side check in agent for American Airlines. He smirked and let out a laugh and I went on my way into Tampa International Airport to start my trip on Tuesday morning. I had my Eastman backpack swung over my shoulders, dress pants on and my “trusty” cane in hand as I navigated the terminal and made my way to the airside concourse.

American Airlines made it real easy on me and helped me out the entire way to and from Burbank. Being it lead onto the plane by a Stewardess in Tampa or the ticket-agent trying to get me a replacement flight to Tampa from Dallas if I didn’t make that conneciton flight (more on that later)… AA kicked ass in their service.

The big thing about this that upset my parents and extended family was I was going 2200 miles by my lonesome as my first trip solo. Not to mention I’m still a gimp to one extent or another, walking with and without a cane at times.

Not like I needed to care about being gimpy once I got on the streets of LA.

If there’s one difference that is night and day in La Cuidad de Angels compared to Tampa/St. Pete and the suburbs, it’s the fact that pedestrians have the right of way. Here in Florida, I’d get run down sooner than a car actually wait to turn during a green light. In Los Angeles? I got honked at for not walking and waving cars on at an intersection. That was the biggest adjustment, and the most pleasing.

The other thing that hits me hard every time I am out there is getting used to being surrounded by minorities. Mexicans, Japaneese, African Americans, etc…. One huge eclectic mix. Here in the south, people can only hold closed minded views and hold fear when thinking about situations like that. Me? I fucking LOVED it.

Sure, there is the idea you could get jumped by a gang here and there — that was before I did some thinking and observing. Grandma’s were out walking with canes, unmolested by teens hanging out and kids walking around with CD players weren’t being attacked… I think that gives you an idea it’s safe to be out and about during the daytime and not so intimidated…

At any rate, half the reason I was able to do this trip was my buddy out west, Mark Albracht who I know from SkyscraperPage.com. Me and Mark have known each other a while and have been friends for the past year +…. He had picked me up at the airport and we also spent some time in Hollywood looking around and stuff. It was fun to be out there and see some of the places that I have only heard about (the Kodak theater, the Egyptian….. The Walk of fame…).

Damn, there is so much to talk about and yet I am just rambling through it. And at the same time, there is little to talk about because I didn’t do much while out there. While I liked being on my own on a trip, I would have loved a peer with me (not a parent) to enjoy some of the things that I passed on or didn’t spend enough time with.

Of course, the trip did have it’s low point – my birthday . The day started off as it normally did in LA but I had an appointment that morning. A long overdue ABI checkup. What went so bad? Being forced into an MRI that i didn’t want to have done, having to sit around for four hours until I had the prodcedure, then being in physical and emotional pain with how I was dealt with by the staff… To summarize my birthday was to summarize my life: spent with me trying to look good, voyaging, meeting a friend, being duped by a faux ally, pain, humiliation and ultimately ending alone. Great attitude, wouldn’t you say? 😛 😉

Oh, I forgot to add the part about Burbank. Saturday morning I left my hotel (after barely getting any sleep) to encounter the worst fog I had seen first hand since I was a kid. The flight was grounded until almost 9 and could have made me miss my conneciton flight home… And like I said, a ticket agent stepped right up and arranged things for me if I did miss my connection. Luckily, once airborn, we made up time lost and actually came in ahead of schedule (but still not enough time for this guy to grab a meal while on the DFW International concourse.

I’m planning on getting away some more in coming weeks. A trip to NY for instance…. Who knows where else. Where I’m wanted and where I’m curious would most likely be it.

Four and Twelve seems like a real possibility

I haven’t talked about the Tampa Bay Buccaneers for a real long time… I think the last time I put up a post was in January where I gave a general sports roundup. Of course, my sports eye has been on my primary love in Tampa Bay — The Lightning — and that means the Bucs (who I grew to love during their hapless years) have taken a back seat.

Before anyone lays into me about being a bandwagon fan, I support the Buccaneers and haven’t turned a blind eye because another team in town won a championship. The Bucs earned my love over the years from miserable to respectable, and the Lightning won my love since their inception and I place hockey just ahead of football because it was a sport I liked to compete in.

Anyway, I haven’t abandoned the Bucs but I have to turn my eyes because of the train wreck the franchise has become.

Lets go to January of 2003 first and foremost and Jon Gruden / The Tampa Bay Buccaneers winning the Super Bowl. When Jon won the title, little did fans know it gave him carte blanche over the Buccaneer Franchise. A team assembled by Rich McKay and Tony Dungy was put over the top by Jon and of course we all loved him for it because this was the Buccaneers finally reaching the paramount of the NFL after being as low as you could get for so long.

Things fell apart last year as Jon Gruden started to follow a trend that previous Buccaneer coaches have shown and fallen with — Absolute power corrupts absolutely. The Glazer’s catered to his every whim and the only guy who stood in his way was Rich McKay…

Was, past tense. Rich left the only franchise he had known and went north to Atlanta… Jon was allowed to keep walking the walk he wanted and the Bucs continued the downward spiral.

A trend from Oakland seems to be in place here — not just a desire for veteran players over building a team from the ground up with talented youngsters, but also a “Just win, baby” mentality that tells players their off-field antics amount to shit as long as they perform on the field.

Case in point – Michael Pittman remains on the Buccaneer roster even though he is guilty of ramming his car into his wifes vehicle with children inside. He faces possible jail time and Jon Gruden could give a shit.

The Bucs picked up another ass-clown from the Raiders in the form of Bruce Allen who cut one foo the greatest players in Tampa Bay Buccaneer history – John Lynch — and signed one of the most notorious players in NFL history — Darrell Russell, who drugged a girl and taped him and his friends raping her.
Allen went so far as to compare Russell with former president Bill Clinton and said the rapist is guilty of less crimes than Clinton. (side-note, Allen’s brother is a Republican Senator in Virginia)

I could keep going with moves the Bucs have made and crimes their players have committed since the Super Bowl Championship, but I can’t. It’s watching a train wreck as it occurs and their are more people than just myself who can see this. For the first time since Raymond James Stadium was opened, their are tickets available on Ticketmaster for Buccaneers games this late after the initial public offering of tickets. The Bucs boast a season ticket waiting list of 110 thousand but all it takes is filling out a form online in order to do so. Somehow, my name is on the Season Ticket waiting list and I hate watching football in person. I didn’t sign up and I don’t have the foggiest clue how I got on there…

The number is artificially inflated and more than half of those on this waiting list would not invest in the current product on field.

I look at the Buccaneers this season and I see the train wreck in progress. I feel bad for guys like Derrick Brooks and Mike Alstott who are pillars in the community and who will be cut lose if it meant a marginal offensive tool could be picked up. The once vaulted defense is in shambles and Jon Gruden was given a contract extension before the season to continue is free reign over the Tampa Bay Buccaneers.

6-10 may be a reach but 4-12 is still a possibility this season. Break out the orange, it’s Yuccaneer football all over again.

The Downward Spiral of ESPN / Sportscenter

Oh how the Mighty have fallen.

Off Wing Opinion quotes two articles with regards to the breaking of the Sports news leader… The once cultish sports network has risen to carrying all 4 major sports, along with poker and other side leagues, and a promotional arm for it’s owner: Disney.

Honestly I watched for a while after Keith Olbermaan left ESPN for MSNBC… I never really fell in love with Kenny Mayne, but that’s not the real downfall of ESPN (losing an anchor). It started when Keith left the Big Show and ESPN looked for Olbermaan clones… It seemed everyone had to have extra quips and had to try to add tag lines to scores… Stuart Scott and Rich Eisen were ok with it, other people doing it just seemed a little weird if not lame.

Then Sportscenter started just getting too flash-in-th-pan for me. The News seemed to fade and trying to boost sports personalities seemed to get a rise. I was getting ESPN: The Magazine for a time and I canceled my subscription because they were hyping players that shouldn’t be hyped and trying to make me feel sorry for multi-millionaires while the relevance of the articles that appeared in the magazine seemed to degrade with every single issue.

ESPN used to stand for news to me. I grew up watching the morning editions of Sportscenter before running off to school. There were tag lines and zingers used in those days but there was also the NEWS relevance part of the coverage. It wasn’t a promo with regards to a top team, but it was a report on news of teams around he league. Sure, shitty teams didn’t get a ton of coverage but when they DID you knew they were either playing someone relevant or they themselves were becoming more relevant. I used to judge the barometer of the Bucs and Bolts through replays on ESPN, or commentary by ESPN Analysts.

I haven’t watched Sportscenter in years now… not a full episode at least. I don’t watch NFL Primetime anymore because of garbage they’ve had the last few years (including Rush Limbaugh) and the coverage of the NHL playoffs further made me loathe the former sports leader.

I miss the old days of ESPN, but of course those are never to return… But maybe someday, someone, somewhere will figure out that sports enthusiasts want to have in depth reporting and not annoying TV personalities. Sure, we’d like some entertainment with our sports but we don’t want TV ties, Film ties and other corporate ties shoved down our throats.

Someone missed the boat and it was me

Oh dear god, I am falling in love with the Daily Show.

For years I hear about this growing cult of people who watch Jon Stewartt and company report on he news with a humorous, cynical and smart ass spin to things. I’m a fan of Jon Stewart but I never watched the show because at times the comedy that I have caught glimpses of on the show seemed a little too cheesy or a little dry or just too subtle.

But watching a few full shows and seeing everything going on? Jon Stewart and the rest of the gang at Daily happen to be Captain Obvious incarnate.

Oh sure, they also report on he ridiculous a ton… Like last night (I think it was a repeat) they had an interview with a fellow planning to build the Clinton “L-i-e brary” a few blocks away from the Clinton Presidential Library. I don’t know if he was on to the rouse that he wasn’t on a true news program but he told the show that it was “vital to our nations future” that people know the truth about Clinton and his lies…

…which was responded with rhetoric about how the CHILDREN actually are our future. Teach them well and let them lead the way…. On and on, the full verse of The Greatest Love Of All was sang by the interviewer DURING the interview….

That’s balls, that’s bravado and that’s hilarious — mocking someone taking his outlandish cause too seriously…

Tonight? Jon Stewart fried Wolf Blitzer (in a humorous way, mind you – he wasn’t attacking Blitzer but laughing with him… or attempting to) and the media for how they’ve covered the war in Iraq with regards to asking questions. I believe Stewart asked, “Was it Group Think or another word, Retardation?”

Now if they could just lose the f’n commercials and expand the show (which would take a little too much, I would think), it would be insanely awesome… I’ll be happy with what I have for now — being a Daily n00b…

The Holy Grail? Sha. A find? You bet.

Anyone who knows me knows who my favorite band is… Then again, most of you readers are coming off the search engines and probably don’t know…

Lets just say their were four of them, they were fab, and they revolutionized popular music.

Anyway, you may or may not have heard a little news item that was published today about a huge find in the realm of the Beatles — a long lost suitcase containing a lot of Beatles paraphernalia and rare recordings, possibly once owned by right-hand-man, roadie Mal Evans.. This is being written up by the media as “the holy grail” of finds with regards to finds of Beatles artifacts. The scary thing is that this isn’t the first “holy grail” find over the last 10 years that has supposedly earth shattering effects (by the media’s own take on things).

They found a bunch of stolen recordings from Abbey Road and the White Album. Also they recovered some recordings from eh “Get Back” sessions. At the time both of these were labeled “Holy Grail” finds. None of these trumped, however, the recordings “find” (unlocked recordings) that turned into the Beatles Anthology.

So as a fan, I’m a bit skeptical on how earth shattering this find is. Of course, i would love to hear some of the alleged alternate versions of certain songs contained in the suitcase, but I wouldn’t be surprised if these songs have already made it out as bootlegs.

Flicking Netflix

As much as I Love movies and I love Netflix service, i had to cancel my account with them.

Why? Well, the fact of the matter is there are a lot of movies in there I am not interested in seeing — in my rental queue I mean. There are classics that I want to see (All the Presidents Men, for example) but there are also things that I just didn’t really care for (Whale Rider and some movies I have seen in the past). It just wasn’t worth 22 bucks a month any more because of how rarely I was renting flix. The last movie I held onto and enjoyed form them was Return of the King.

Don’t get me wrong – I believe Netflix has a ton to offer to anyone who loves movies…. I wouldn’t have seen Equilibrium and a lot of other great movies if it wasn’t for them…. However, at the same time — there might just be such a thing as too much of a good thing (can you believe that? :tongue)

Wash away the pain

So I went over Andy’s house about 3 or 4 hours ago…. It’s the first time I’ve been there since last September and from the outside the house looked incredible. Still a work in progress, but it still was incredible and I was proud of how well it was set up.

Then I got inside.

There was a vibe — I LIKE the house, I like how he’s constructed it, but there was a vibe… A bad vibe. Everything from yesterday just seemed to hang on the air. Animosity? Oppression? Disdain? Sadness? Anger? Torment? Abuse? Things like that just hung around the house.

Me and the majority of my family along with Andy’s best friend Adam went ahead and cleaned the house, and going through all of this — you could feel this bad vibe on all the dirt and grime of the house. Underneath it there was this feeling of love — a tormented feeling at that, like it was maligned by forces….

We got through everything and the house felt better — like we spread some good Karma in there. I am not one of those new-age people when you hear me saying stuff like vibes and karma, but things just felt more unified… Like we healed the spirit inside his house a little. I don’t know… Maybe it was just me?

Hopefully that good karma carries over for my brother and for my family and gets my brother through his time of heartache.


I’ve bitched about people close to me — now I need to rant about someone close to someone else in my family who has truly shown herself to be a manipulative bitch…

Andrew – my younger brother — was accused yesterday of striking his girlfriends child. My younger brother would not raise his hand in anger, would not threaten the kids that he loves immensely. The only evidence on the GF’s side his her emotionally disabled (bi-polar and more) 4 year old son who ran off and got himself a bloody nose. She accused my younger brother and sided with a kid who doesn’t know right from wrong (I can vouch for this). She called the cops on Andrew…

And all I can say is that manipulative bitch

I could rant here but it gets too personal and I don’t want to go into that. I feel my brothers pain and feel a lot of anger for this situation he is in, from a girl who has always rubbed me the wrong way and now proven herself with false accusations to be the trash I always thought of her.

I've said ti before and I'll say it again.

Ya gotta love The Instigator

The Following is an Advertisement…

The following is a post helping a friend achieve her goal:

Kayla is in love with Ben and wants the world to know

I’ve done my part to help her achieve that goal. :p 🙂

How is Chuck LaMar still Tampa Bay GM?

Would someone care to explain to me how this assclown still has a job?

Charles M. LaMar the worst General Manager in Baseball and one of the worst in pro sports in general, has not been held accountable for years upon years of sub-mediocre play by the Tampa Bay Devil Rays. How many times do people have to point out LaMar needs to be held accountable? John Romano did it years ago. David Egbert has done it several times and in different places. Of course, I have done it more than once, on here. In the Times and elsewhere. And of course, even the message boards get into it — I mean you can even find stuff on FanHome quite easily…. over, and over, and over again.

And what do Rays fans get? They get LaMar for another two years thanks to him refurbishing the team with a new set of mediocre players.

What’s even worse? The assclown even blames himself for the team being abysmal. It’s like he’s mocking those who don’t like him or how he’s run this team. “Yup, I’m to blame but there is absolutely shit you can do. Nyah-nyah-nyah-nyah-nyah!”

I have followed Tampa Bay’s quest for a baseball team, I have had high hopes when the team came together and how LaMar was doing at the beginning…. but year after year, mistake after mistake – LaMar wore me down, he’s ruined my love for baseball by being the idiot who has been in charge of architecture of the league’s 30th franchise. He’s made me lose the pride I have in this area with a mockery of players that are also-rans, has-beens or never-will-be’s… And of course, when he does find a diamond in the rough – the player is assured to be traded for more questionables.

Yes, you can tell me that this is baseball and there is no such thing as a sure thing in this game… but after 8 years of LaMar at the helm of the Rays, 8 years of blunders, 8 years of mistakes, 8 years of zero accountability – it’s time to pull the plug and end this farce once and for all.

Fire LaMar. Fire LaMar now and declare this season over – as it has been since Opening Day for the Devil Rays.

Denial and Dehumanization

Saturday, letters were published in the St. Petersburg Times trying to justify mistreatment of those detained at the Abu Ghraib prison. They tended to be immature, at best, and evidence of how Americans will see only what they want to see.

One letter writer thinks “I’ll take a leash without any close compared to” being dragged through the streets and hung and burned. Of course, everyone is going to chose humiliation over death, but the letter writer neglects to bring up the sodomy and other mistreatment of prisoners, nor the duration of how long these people were exposed to such treatments. Death over long term humiliation is a tougher choice to make. The fact an exact date hasn’t been put on photos showing also factors in.

Another letter writer also makes the comparison to security personnel being dragged and hung last month and then claims, “how easily people forget.” The problem is, no one forgot that happened. We, as Americans, are supposed to be better than what has been revealed at the Abu Ghraib prison. Can you so easily justify sinking to an unmoral level?

One last letter writer states that last month’s horrid events in Fallujah need to be placed in front of these horrid events in a time line sense. I believe this is to justify the attacks against prisoners as “an eye for an eye”. Well, L. Paul Bremer stated on Friday that he had heard of abuses in Abu Ghraib by American Soldiers beginning in January… January certainly comes before April.

Don’t try to justify what US Soldiers have done in Iraq. We’re supposed to be better than that as a country. If our soldiers and citizens can justify dehumanizing citizens of the world for selfish reasons, than I want to know what happened to the America I grew up in and the land that I love?

Film Quirks

I emailed my older brother Mike the other night after I came across a piece of movie trivia on IMDB that caught my eye:

(From The Matrix Revolutions
All of the crew members of the Hammer (with the exception of Captain Roland) are named after firearms (i.e. Mauser, Colt, AK)

Now most people won’t understand the quirk but I immediately put two and two together on this and thought of The Dark Tower saga and Stephen King. Roland of Guilead is the last Gunslinger and he is normally associated with guns – hard calibers, so to speak. I just had to pass that along to someone as a possible Dark Tower reference.

Of course, Mike could give a shit but you still gotta love him – for some reason :tongue

I also told Mike (after his “I could care” reply to my note) that I have been noticing another quirk lately7y that has been driving me bonkers just because it’s so obvious and so veiled at the same time. I’ve been thinking of The Godfather when I watch First Wives Club on cable. Diane Keaton yells something about “Uncle Carmine” and there is this weird progression that ties that line into the Godfather and Keaton’s role in it. (“Uncle Carmine” is what Bruno Kirby calls Marlon Brando’s character in The Freshman,. His full name is Carmine Sabatini and the character is a caricature of Don Vito Corleone, the character Brando portrayed in the epic Godfather film).

I don’t know, stuff like that has stuck out a lot with me lately. Anyone else have things like that happen when watching movies? Seeing ties to other movies and such?

"The Edge" of Sanity

I decided to spin some tunes and do some writing – which hasn’t come easy the last couple of weeks — today. After some audio bullshit and sound card problems I finally got everything running smooth and I had a re-awakening from a song I used to love in Middle and High School —

Aerosmith’s Living On The Edge

I had written a paper about it years ago for my English class (Ms. Manson always supported us being free spirited and such… And encouraged us with music, poetry, writing, etc) and had taken the song too seriously, in a way, when I stated that one message from the song that could be taken was that we are living on the edge of sanity and sobriety.

Anyone who sees the pop culture and news headlines knows this to be true, so that was one thing that is very true about the lyrics of the song.

But then there’s a refrain that comes up twice in the song that I never really put two and two together with, even though it should be obvious for everyone.

If Chicken Little tells you that the sky is fallin’
Even if it wasn’t would you still come crawling
Back again
I bet you would my friend
Again and Again and Again and Again and a-

“Crawling back again” was the line that first hit me for social reasons when I listened to the first instance of this in the song, but then it started weighing on me about Chickie Little and the Sky falling. It’s talking about those who are determined to say that things are all wrong with the world — they’re too this, too that. Too much pollution, too much taxes, too much drug use, too much sex, too much media, too little intelligence, we’ve strayed to far from the church, we’ve got too much greed, too little oil, too few resour—

Hold it right there.

Something actually happens to be right in the world and even when we throw out politics and politically correctness and religion up to our asses. Everyone on either side off an issue knows the issue is wrong because they are experts on the issue and don’t want you to see the truth if it doesn’t fit into their billing. I don’t want to bring up any of my own political beliefs with this because I believe the song right now more than I believe in politics. More than I believe in government. More than I believe in religion and more than I believe in people.

Livin’ On The Edge

Hudson, Tyler, Perry

There’s somethin’ wrong with the world today
I don’t know what it is
Something’s wrong with our eyes

We’re seein’ things in a different way
And God knows it ain’t his
It sure ain’t no surprise

Livin’ on the edge
Livin’ on the edge
Livin’ on the edge
Livin’ on the edge

There’s somethin’ wrong with the world today
The light bulb’s gettin dim
There’s meltdown in the sky

If you can judge a wise man
By the color of his skin
Then mister you’re a better man than I

Livin’ on the edge
(You can’t help yourself from fallin’)
Livin’ on the edge
(You can’t help yourself at all)
Livin’ on the edge
(You can’t stop yourself from fallin’)
Livin’ on the edge

Tell me what you think about your sit-u-a-tion
Complication – aggravation
Is getting to you

If chicken little tells you that the sky is fallin’
Even if it wasn’t would you still come crawlin’
Back again
I bet you would my friend
Again & again & again & again & again

Tell me what you think about your sit-u-a-tion
Complication – aggravation
Is getting to you

If chicken little tells you that the sky is fallin’
Even if it was would you still come crawlin’
Back again
I bet you would my friend
Again & again & again & again

Something right with the world today
And everybody knows it’s wrong
But we can tell ’em no or we could let it go
But I’d would rather be a hanging on


Livin’ on the edge
Livin’ on the edge
Livin’ on the edge
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah

Livin’ on the edge
{You can’t help yourself)
(You can’t help yourself)
Livin’ on the edge
(You can’t help yourself at all)
Livin’ on the edge
(You can’t help yourself)
(You can’t help yourself)
Livin’ on the edge
(You can’t help yourself)
(You can’t help yourself)
Livin’ on the edge
(You can’t help yourself from fallin’)
Livin’ on the edge
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah
Yeah, you got to that now

&copy 1992 Swag Song Music company

The Rite of Spring

The biggest reason I am glad I am deaf is pointed out by Matt at Defective Yeti

Absolutely no love lost for the fact I can’t be awoken because of mother nature :biggrin

Oldies stuck in my head

I have had two songs stuck in my head in recent days — well, more than in just recent days, they’ve been with me for years on and off at times and I couldn’t identify either of them. One was a Top-40 song that I had heard on the he radio in the early 1990’s and another is a song I cannot identify in anything more than where I heard the notes for the song…. Something from the 1980’s that features a piano or an xylophone or something that sounds like one at least…

Well, out of these two songs, I found one of them and dang it, I’m happy… Shanice,. “I Love Your Smile”

Van Helsing = Van Marketing

I haven’t been much of a fan of Universal the last few years. They’ve had some good movies but they tend to be a little, shall we say, over-occupied with franchise building… The same can be said with every major studio right now (Fox – X-Men, Warner Brothers – The Matrix, Sony – Spider-Man, New Line – Lord of the Rings… the list goes on for each studio too) but I feel like Universal tries a little too hard to get into the niche and — well? Overkill.

Van Helsing is a great example of trying-too-hard.

The movie hasn’t even come out yet (which features Universal giants/film character legends of horror in Dracula, Frankenstein, etc) and Universal has not only a sequel lined up but also spin offs and a TV Show… They are planing for Van Helsing to be huge when it is released and from some fanboy buzz I have seen on the web – it will be.

Maybe this is just me being cynical and wishing ill on something I am not very fond of? Last movie that I heard huge money rumblings about before the films ever were made as the “Lord of the Rings” films — and of course I love those now. Maybe Van Helsing is going to be able to do the same thing in the long run (Kate Beckinsdale doesn’t hurt either)?

But, then again? What if the overly-CGI and over-the-top action in the movie and a mixed up plot goes and leads the majority of Americans to stay away? “What happened?” will be what is uttered most on the Universal lot but the truth is we know just what happened — they gave in to marketing before they made a movie worth seeing.

Melody and Regret

A couple of days ago, I was flipping around the tube and came across a Beach Boys biopic I had originally seen when I was younger, called Summer Dreams, which I got lucky enough to turn on just as the British Invasion was beginning (1964).

I got to come across Brian Wilson’s anxiety and his musical genius that I had been aware of from quotes but hadn’t thought of much besides what I had heard and liked as a child — which is odd because some of the music is much more complex an innovative than the Beatles stuff and I had never given it a second thought (example: The introduction to California Girls).

I’ve had a song in my head since I watched the movie and I would love to be able to provide streaming audio of the music to share with everyone because of how beautiful the song can be — but alas, until I figure out how to do that, i can only share with you the lyrics. It’s a stirring and haunting melody with harmonies in multiple layers…. It was part of the Pet Sound album (which George Martin claimed, “If it wasn’t for Pet Sounds, there would be no Sgt. Pepper’s Lonely Hearts Club Band)…

Now, ladies and gentlemen, this is the song I haven’t been able to get out of my head — or stop pulling at my heart (as was the case with Dennis Wilson in Summer Dreams

God Only Knows

I may not always love you
But long as there are stars above you
You never need to doubt it
I’ll make you so sure about it

God only knows what I’d be without you

If you should ever leave me
Though life would still go on believe me
The world could show nothing to me
So what good would living do me

God only knows what I’d be without you

God only knows what I’d be without you

If you should ever leave me
Well life would still go on believe me
The world could show nothing to me
So what good would living do me

God only knows what I’d be without you
God only knows what I’d be without you
God only knows
God only knows what I’d be without you
God only knows what I’d be without you
God only knows
God only knows what I’d be without you
God only knows what I’d be without you
God only knows
God only knows what I’d be without you
God only knows what I’d be without you
God only knows
God only knows what I’d be without you
God only knows what I’d be without you
God only knows
God only knows what I’d be without you
God only knows what I’d be without you
God only knows
God only knows what I’d be without you


I used to own Backbeat back before I went to DVD in 1998. I started a VHS ban when I bought my DVD player in 1998 and that basically shut me out of watching my Backbeat video. Polygram Entertainment didn’t have the movie on DVD until just last year…

Well, I have it right now — rented it form Netflix.

I can go into detail about the synopsis of the film but that’s not exactly what I want to talk about. What I wanted to talk about because of a scene that just passed was John Lennon and how not only the movie portrayed him but how I know him from what I read… How different he is from myself but how much of the same he is too.

I’m into astrology a bit and I like Libras from what I have encountered. I know I can fight with Aries, I know I can have a good time with Gemini’s and Pisces’s, but it’s Libra’s that I can most identify with… I feel sort of a kinship with them even though we come from different backgrounds and different trains of thought in life – it all comes back to certain underlying personality traits to me.

John’s a Libra — Born 2 days after myself — well, but 39 years before me…

At any rate – there is a rage in Lennon in this portrayal by Ian Hart (who does an absolutely superb job. He looks like Lennon as a teen in the famous Wooten-Fete photograph) which coverts up known facts about Lennon – his insecurity, his troubled past. John’s father left him when he was young, his mother left him as well — dropping him with his Aunt Mimi.. She (John’s mother – who was immortalized in the Beatles song Julia) was later killed when she was hit by a car. John often covered this sense John’s anguish – his loneliness — is displayed well by Hart, especially in the face of the possibility of losing best friend Stuart Sutcliffe to a local girl (world famous photographer Astrid Kirchherr). The slow lose of Stu to love drives Lennon mad.

How many times have we all be jealous of losing someone to the world?

How many times have you been jealous having someone move on in life when you ant very much for them to stay?

I can identify with that quit ewell… But this isn’t the first movie that I could identify with one of the characters….

And to take John’s send off to Stuart and Astrid at the end of the movie:

Love me tender…. Love me sweet…. Never let me go…. Yiou’ve made my life complete, and I love you so…(followed by a “fuck it, lets go” )

Rented Movie Reviews

So on this post bitter-singles day, I have for you a pair of films I have seen in the past 24 hours:

The Sum Of All Fears: Ben Affleck takes over the role of Jack Ryan from Harrison Ford with this prequel/sequel to the Jack Ryan movies. Personally I never cared for Ford in the role of Ryan, and The Hunt for Red October happens to be my favorite Clancy film (even with it’s cheesey special effects and it’s terrible mock ups of submarines). At any rate, this film moves a young version of Jack Ryan — CIA analyst — into the 21st century which sorta makes things weird. The Hunt for Red October was supposed to have happened around 1985… The other films in the series (Patriot Games and Clear and Present Danger – two titles, by the way, that George W. Bush has no comprehension of the meanings) I have no clue when they were supposed to have happened but they starred the elder Harrison Ford after Alec Baldwin launched the Jack Ryan series with Hunt

ok, enough of the explaining… what did I think of the film?

Well, not being someone who has read the book, I enjoyed Sum even though the plot was confusing at times. The film is basically a nuclear standoff between the US and Russia as Neo-Nazi terrorists attempt to start war between the two nations. I actually liked Ben Affleck playing Jack Ryan – a mix of every-man instead of super-hero from what Harrison Ford brought to the role. When one watched the original Jack Ryan film, Red October, you saw Jack didn’t want to be there when sent to do something because he was expendable (“Next time, Jack, just write a god damned memo.” ) An all star cast of James Cromwell, Morgan Freeman, Liev Schreiber and Bridget Moynahan — meow! — round out this film. Worth a viewing – even if it drags at points.

Intolerable Cruelty: You know, i didn’t have my hearing device on when I watched this film and I have a strange thing happen every time I watch a George Clooney film — I think of him as speaking in a southern drawl, much like he di din his role in O, Brother, Where art thou? . I guess it’s just his mannerisms — I just can’t believe he would straight talk through this role of Miles Massey when Miles Massey seems totally obsessed with his teeth and white smile.

The film premise is simple — it’s about divorce and Miles Massey is the best divorce lawyer around. Cathrine Zeta-Jones (meow!) is a man eater, looking to get hitched, get divorced and make a ton of money off it. Of course, these two collide and that’s the basis for the entire film. Sure we get lessons on love and such, with a few laughs in between… but I can’t help wondering how gay Miles Massey’s assistant, Wrigley, happens to be?

You have to wonder if someone writing a review, bringing that question up, actually enjoyed the movie? I did, I honestly did… but there was a little comfortableness about the movie. I usually get this with Coen Brother movies but it doesn’t mean there is anything bad with the film. This is worth a viewing and I won’t spoil it with any more talk. :grin

Anyway, I hope to publish my list of movies rented in the past year an a general thumbs up/thumbs down next to each movie. We’ll see what happens…