Month: December 2004


Another Year gone…

I’m ending this year on Der Stonegauge with a post with lyrics from not the most happiest of songs… In fact I used to get down watching this video and listening to this song…

But reading the lyrics over again, Michael Stipe wasn’t out to down people with this thing. He was out to keep them around a little longer.

In the face of things in this world that are not good – from politics to disasters, unjustified wars, self absorbed people and the heartbreak they cause – just seem to justify the song… Don’t throw your hand, cuz everybody hurts sometimes. When the night is long and yours alone – remember you’re not alone because everybody hurts sometimes….

Everybody Hurts

When the day is long and the night, the night is yours alone,
when you’re sure you’ve had enough of this life, well hang on.
Don’t let yourself go, everybody cries and everybody hurts sometimes.

Sometimes everything is wrong. Now it’s time to sing along.
When your day is night alone, (hold on, hold on)
if you feel like letting go, (hold on)
when you think you’ve had too much of this life, well hang on.

Everybody hurts. Take comfort in your friends.
Everybody hurts. Don’t throw your hand. Oh, no. Don’t throw your hand.
If you feel like you’re alone, no, no, no, you are not alone

If you’re on your own in this life, the days and nights are long,
when you think you’ve had too much of this life to hang on.

Well, everybody hurts sometimes,
everybody cries. And everybody hurts sometimes.
And everybody hurts sometimes. So, hold on, hold on.
Hold on, hold on. Hold on, hold on. Hold on, hold on. (repeat & fade)
(Everybody hurts. You are not alone.)

(Copyright © R.E.M./Athens Ltd. for all R.E.M. originals).

Happy New Year, ladies and gentlemen. Let us have hope for 2005 – a sight more than what has been provided for us as a race in 2004.

Stop Action!

This is an example of either incredible work or too much time on one’s hands…

Pen to pad, long time gone

I’ve been trying to re-arrange my poetry page instead of ammassing everything I have by 10 poems-per-page. I don’t know why I am doing it exactly but I am doing it…. (all of this while I shoudl be working on Chantilly Lace gifts).

The thing is, I read over certain poems and I can remember exactly where and when I was when I wrote that poem… Some of them I rememeber exactly what I was feeling. I’ve lst at least one entire book of poetry because I lent it out to someone who would later betray me… And at the same time I still have 7 volumes sitting on a bookshelf that are just one big reminder of things in the past.

Some people had journals, some people just kept notes of there lives, some people blog… I wrote poetry. It was release and yet it chronicled things.

Anyway, the poem that gets me – and get sme every time – is Lost Inside… Just because of how I ende dup playing the words. I can remember writing this at my local library … There are a lot of poems with certain strengths to them that I persoanlly enjoy but this is the one that I like the most:

Lost Inside

Seen my feelings lost inside forever
Couldn’t we be good together?
Girl, you are my everything,
You’re all my wants and craves

Lost inside the secret you
What am I supposed to do
Girl, you are my majesty
I’ll worship you forever

Only known I’ve lost my mind
Oh, why worry? Never mind
Everything that I do crave
Is lost inside your being

Now to find you,
I need to be your everything,
Fit the bill and fly the path,
Our equation, do the math,
Add us two and then subtract –
The worries and the hardships

Seen my feelings inside you, girl
Oh my, honey, what a world
What am I supposed to do?
I’ve stayed lost inside the secret you

And inside, I’ve lost my mind
Oh, why worry? Never mind
Everything I’ll always crave
Is lost inside the secret you

©1998 John P. Fontana

Take a little chance

Neilsen Media Research and me… Could it happen?

I applied for a position there. Lets see what happens.

Give a little

MSNBC presents a list of charities and organizations helping with efforts in Sumatra, Sri Lanka, India and the rest of the world that have been effected by this most shocking display of mother nature’s fury.

The World Map has been changed by this earthquake, the globe has “wobbled” in it’s rotation because of it and 60 thousand are feared dead — many of them children. This time of year is supposed to be the time of hope and of giving – these people need it more than ever….

Selfish Nation and International Disaster

I know it is a day after a national holiday and people are not focusing at all right now on the news but…

I’m disenchanted — outrightly disgusted — with the lack of news regarding a major earthquake iand tidal wave has devestated parts of Asia and Africa. this wasn’t just a minor rumbler that ended up destroying the third world — this was an 8.9 magnitude earthquake with aftershocks tipping the scale at 7.3.

And what news can you find on national television in the States as Asia and Africa awake to continue dealing with the devestation?

Nada. Zip. Zero.

The national news channels that pride themselves in being 24 hour news services are airing their regularly scheduled documentary-like programs. One of the worst international disasters of our time and “CNN Presents” is more important? 11,000 people are confirmed dead by this catastrophe — and that is just the begining. And documentary programming on news services takes precedence over reporting the issue? Keeping people informed? Displaying where to send financial aid?

9-11 was a man made attrocity that was helped by taking place in the media capital of the world… Yet when the third world gets rocked out of nowhere, when more people die form more countries in the hardest hit areas than almost any Natural Disaster we have ever seen, America and the American Media are allowed to turn a blind eye because it isn’t ratings? It isn’t news unless it’s got an American tie?

It’s cynical to say “Yup” but that seems to be the case — and I am not going to let my anger go on this. This is where you are supposed to jump to help someone. This is when youa re supposed to keep the public informed. This isn’t one town, one city, one country effected. This is millions across Asia and Africa (and the world with the number of tourists involved in this)….

And no one in the US would care to find out more about it or to try to find out how to help 🙄


Merry Christmas

Please Come Home for Christmas

Bells will be ringing the sad, sad news
Oh what a Christmas to have the blues
My baby’s gone I have no friends
To wish me greetings once again

Choirs will be singing “Silent Night”
Christmas carols by candlelight
Please come home for Christmas,
Please come home for Christmas
If not for Christmas, by New Year’s night

Friends and relations send salutations
Sure as the stars shine above
For this is Christmas, yes, Christmas my dear
It’s the time of year to be with the one you love

So won’t you tell me you’ll never more roam
Christmas and New Year’s will find you home
There’ll be no more sorrow, no grief and pain
And I’ll be happy, I’ll be happy, once again

There’ll be no more sorrow, no grief and pain
And I’ll be happy, happy Christmas, once again

Wishing all the best to everyone… Wishing peace and harmony to the world…. Hoping for better days… Praying for more understanding…. Sending out love to all.

Merry Christmas

A Cold December — random venting.

Random Christmas Eve rants —

I hate having to play the dick but that is what happened a littler earlier today – maybe I didn’t exactly play it but listening to someone start falling all over themselves for the umpteenth time and putting themselves into a shit situation — a dick is all I could be.

This very person had remarked about going with your head and not with yoru heart and how things will be nifty right at the start… This person also happened to tell me, a few minutes later, that she was “in love” with an abusive, controlling, insecure prick who wanted to keep her as a possesion and not as a person.

Over a couple of weeks chatting with this girl, I’d feed her logic and a few days later she comes back with “You were right.” And yet her own self-hate, self-loathing and low self-esteem leads her to punish herself… “This is the best I can do.” “I don’t deserve better”, “I’m not good for anythign more.”


I was also told by this same little girl that I shouldn’t settle for anyone or anything, that I seem like the person who would strive for just what they want… That’s true in a lot of ways but if there is anyone in life that has been resigned to the fact he’s got to settle in the end – its me. You can have personality up the waazoo, you can be sweet and romantic and a really funny guy… You can be selfless or benevolent but it really amounts to shit with people if you got a few things wrong with your person, or don’t meet the market ideal of what a lover should be.

And for the record, you don’t write off people and leave them in the cold (or — even worse — confess to avoiding them) at times when they need your friendship… Or to pull that act 3 or 4 tiems and expect continued benevolence. You can’t expect a friend if you can’t be one… but that’s a cold November story so we’ll just leave it be.

Maybe someone needs to get typing lessons for Christmas. I type fast and don’t copy edit and what happens? I look like I don’t know how to spell anything (typo after typo).


Anyone who tells me they don’t deserve, is full of shit. Anyone who puts up with someone’s abuse is either too in-love or just too insecure to go back to what they had with nothing. Anyone who falls in love with someone else but gets engaged to the guy they are dating just becasue she wasn’t ready to break up yet… Well, that’s just fooling everyone and setting up for problems. You can want to share a bed with someoen but, dear God, you’re REALLY setting up to get screwed by drawing it out like that!

And by the way… Bryan? Not that you read my blog but you really shouldn’t get so upset over Liz. Yes there were a few misteps there but give it time, buddy. Just be a friend or try to be and be content with that. Keep your eyes open as well, you never know what else is goign to come along (and actually be clear about their intentions instead of wishy-washy like a middle-school girl.

Laurel Oak germination

It finally happened a few days ago…

One thing I love to try to do is get a tree seed to germinate. I tried and failed with Slash Pine seeds. It’s tough enough to GET them and even tougher to get them while they are mature.

I tried and failed with Laurel Oak acorns for two years as well. I was getting them when they were dried out — had fallen tot he ground. Some of them were still good but most had lost their moisture and were basically dead.

So, during October after I came back from Los Angeles, I happened upon this little guide to colleciton and storage of Acorns. I had no clue that I needed to keep acorns I collected cool and moist. I also had no clue that I could indeed take them off trees while they were still there (which I had, orignally, but then allowed Acorns to dry out and blah).

So I planted an Acorn for shits and giggles in a pot a couple of weeks ago – oen that I had been storing — and lo and behold there was a little bundle of joy that had come into being just last week… Well, that is… Until the cats found it sitting in the sun… 🙁

The fact is I got something big to grow — big for me that is — that I usually can only find out in the wild. Now if only I knew someplace to PLANT these things where they won’t be mowed down while young…. :p

Ho Ho Ho

Tis the season…

From Worth 1000’s latest contest…

Mirimax History

I don’t give Ain’t It Cool news that much credit even though I happen to visit the site on a semi-regular basis because I am a movie fan… I find some of the fanboy-ness reviewing some movies to be an utter joke and the porrous HTML something that makes me sick.

But they do have their pluses.

A new reporter for AIn’t It Cool happened to be at a happening at the Museum of Modern Art in New York where the Weinsteins and Quentin Tarantino got together to give the audience a little taste of the story behind Mirimax pictures. Being big on Tarantino and admiring Mirmax and what the Weinsteins have done with it, I just had to read this thing and I’m glad I did.

If you’re a die-hard for movies and like to know the behind the scenes stuff, check it out.

OK, I'll bite… Which Beatles are YOU?

Bah these online quizes….

humbug — you just got to take cartain ones:

ter>Click Here to Take This Quiz
Brought to you by quizzes and personality tests.

What Beatle are you?

John Lennon

You enjoy poetry, painting & a fine wine. A lover not a fighter.

Personality Test Results

Those pesky 404's

Due to spam problems and people not being directed to the Stonegauge’s active setup, I did something I really shouldn’t have and deleted every MT file I had in the Archives…

That being said, if you are looking for something on the web and got a error message on my site, type it in on the left-hand Search menu and look there. It might just come up.

I just wasn't made for these climes…

Why is it that I am the only on in my family — hell, my region — that enjoys the colder weather while shunning the heat and humidity of the long Florida summer?

I was content sitting out on the lawn late last night while my house roasted at 75 degrees…
I went for a walk days earlier in 50-degree weather and came home flushed and hot, I threw a fit when I found the house thermostat set to 80 degrees… It’s not just a matter of being too hot, it’s also a matter of lack of conservation by my family — we’ve got heat, why not use it? 🙄

I would be better off up north… I just wasn’t made for this southern climate.

Where's John?

What is this? A yearly rite?

Last year I had an excuse for being AFB (Away From Blog) as I was feeling like shit and recovering from surgery. This year? Computer hardware problems and a slow delievery of replacement parts.

So, not only do I lack updates at Der Stonegauge but also on der Boltsmag, der Baseball Boards, Chantilly Lace Gifts and the like. It’s a real pain in the ass because I need to do work and I can’t ACCESS my work. All of that information is locked away quaintly on my hard drive while other hardware makes my computer un-usable.

Damn you, IBM-Compatible PC’s!!!

Happy Holidays, anyway. I have been keeping busy by walking here and there, doing housework, and more which I can talk about later in entries on the blog.

Season of Wither

Two quotes are ringing in my head…. One from a movie, one from a song…. Tis the season for these things to hurt.

How do you pick up the pieces of an old life? How do you go on? When in your heart you begin to understand, there is no going back. There are some things that time cannot mend. Some hurts go too deep… and they’ve taken hold.
– Frodo Baggins, Lord Of The Rings: Return of the King”

Bells will be ringing the sad, sad news
Oh, what a Christmas to have the blues
My baby’s gone, I have no friends
To wish me greetings once again

Choirs will be singing Silent Night
Christmas carols, by candle light
Please come home for Christmas
Please come home for Christmas
If not for Christmas, by New Years night

Please Come Home for Christmas

A Day In The Life — 24 Years to the Grave…

Sorry for the lack of updates — besides being tied down with Chantilly Lace work I have been hit hard with computer hardware problems which have basically rendered my computer trash.

I was focusing on this today – the computer problems… And focusing on things going on around me here at home… When it really hit me what today was… I happened to be channel surfing at the time and Imagine: John Lennon showed up on the screen and I felt like I was committing blesphamy….

I hadn’t forgotten. I had just dismissed things… And the documentary really threw me back into realizing the relevance of the day and the significance of what was lost.

Rest in peace, John Ono Lennon. Rest in peace.

In My Life (Lennon/McCartney)

There are places I’ll remember
All my life though some have changed
Some forever not for better
Some have gone and some remain
All these places have their moments
With lovers and friends I still can recall
Some are dead and some are living
In my life I’ve loved them all

But of all these friends and lovers
There is no one compares with you
And these memories lose their meaning
When I think of love as something new
Though I know I’ll never lose affection
For people and things that went before
I know I’ll often stop and think about them
In my life I love you more

Though I know I’ll never lose affection
For people and things that went before
I know I’ll often stop and think about them
In my life I love you more
In my life I love you more

A year to the day

Been home from that Back operation a year to the day today….

And it’s Amazing… Even though it’s also a lonely time….


I kept the right ones out
And let the wrong ones in
Had an angel of mercy
To see me through all my sins
There were times in my life
When I was goin’ insane
Tryin’ to walk through the pain

And when I lost my grip
And I hit the floor
Yeah, I thought I could leave
But couldn’t get out the door
I was so sick n’ tired
Of livin’ a lie
I was wishing that I would die

It’s amazing
With the blink of an eye
You finally see the light
It’s amazing
That when the moment arrives
You know you’ll be alright
It’s amazing
And I’m saying a prayer
For the desperate hearts tonight

That one last shot’s a Permanent Vacation
And a how high can you fly with broken wings
Life’s a journey – not a destination
And I just can’t tell just what tomorrow brings

You have to learn to crawl
Before you learn to walk
But I just couldn’t listen
To all that righteous talk
I was out on the street
Just tryin’ to survive
Scratchin’ to stay alive


“To all of you people out there
Wherever you are – remember:
The light at the end of the tunnel
May be you – goodnight”

If I am the light at the end of the tunnel, it’s difficult to fathom who is making the journey between their hard place and the light….

The Passion of the Juicer and the idiocy of the Fans

How can people continue to defend Barry Bonds?

I was stupid enough to go onto (formerly FanHome) and read some of the discussion that is going on with regards to the current Steroid Scandal in Major League Baseball and the fact Bary Bonds acknowledged using a creme that was loaded with Steroids…

“He did nothing illegal”

Let me get this straight, Barry Lamar Bonds and those like him — from Jose Canseco to Ken Camanitti to Jason Giambi and Gary Sheffield — have sullied the reputation and integrity of Major League Baseball to an extent far great than the Pete Rose betting scandal fo the 1980’s. They may have drawn the aw of fans by their feats but they have acheated for more than a decade at various stages in their careers.

Canseco had been a juicer for a while, Camanitti won the MVP while juicing. Giambi did the same… And the entire 1998 Home-Run Chase has been thrown into doubt (say it ain’t so, Mark!.,, say it ain’t so Sammy…!)

And someone wants to say that Barry Bonds has done nothing illegal?

Look at the children that look up to him — sickenly — and those who have been awed by him. Look at the money that thousands, if not millions, have invested in the Giants and in other Major League Baseball rpoperties while they have been led to believe these athletes have accomplished these feats on their own…. Some with their faith in God alone and some with raw skill. All of this is cast into doubt… “God was on my side, as was BALCO!”

It’s funny how I grew up lovign baseball in an age where 40 home runs was a grandiose feet. I hated Barry Bonds then and I continue to do so now… Ryne Sandberg was a respected but loathed adversary and Howard Johnson was the man, at least for me.

Sandberg hit 40 home runs and looked like a stick figure…. Howard Johnson was a 30-30 player and though he had a scruffy beard, he was virtually invisible compared to how Barry Bonds and other muscle-head players have looked the last 7 years.

Oh, and 1991 Barry? He looked like a lanky kid with the most pompous home-run poise to boot.

DOn’t defend Barry Bonds for his transgressions — and that’s what they are, transgressions. It’s time for him, Jason Giambi and others to sleep in the bed they made… And personally, I think a ban from baseball is the only thing that will do in this instance.

Take a walk

Tommy over at Sticks of Fire brings up an issue that is a hot topic in the Bay area right now and of course is an issue that is dear to my heart —

Tampa Bay happens to be one of the worst places in the country for pedestrians.

A five year old was hit by a car while she and her family were cross the street. Tourists… This was a hit and run and the coward couldn’t even come forwardand admit what they had done. Not yet at least. Rebecca McKinney was killed, I felt I had failed… but things get worse and worse and I just feel rage.

The Wheel of Karma

Well, staying positive about negative things brings me positive things…

My last entry talks about how pissed off I was becuase I found out I have a pager that belongs to someone else… Well, I’ve contacted WHDH in Boston about returning their pager to them and after the original non-answer from them I got two warm replies today talking about the generousity I was showing by offering to return the pager to them and the possiblity of returning me a token of their appreciation for returning the pager.

Though it will likely just be a mug or something, it’s still a lot better than me feeling pissed off for having a pager I can’t use. And a lot more constructive too. It’s teh right thing to do.

The silence hath been broken!