Month: June 2003


Republicans = Perverts

What is it with Bill Frist and other like minded, conservatives who fear Homosexuals?

Why are these perverts so obsessed with homosexuality?

Frist’s declaration of support for a constitutional amendment against Gay Marriage just seems to be saying is, “Hi! I can’t stop thinking about men having sex with each other!”


Have you seen this boy?

John Fontana missing

The Phantom Edit Part 2

I was debating writing this here on my own journal or on Kill The Web but I figured I am having such a shitty day that having a topic to write about in here was going to be impossible unless I thought up something like this…

A couple of years ago after The Phantom Menace came out in movie theaters, there was a copy of the movie circulated that cut out Jar Jar Binks from the movie, along with some other cuts. It was titled The Phantom Edit. Personally I think about the editing room and how much Star Wars Episode 1 could have been better if they had left out some of the crap that was in the movie (a lot of the kiddie stuff with Anakin, 3PO and R2D2, etc) and I was thinking to last year’s “Attack of the Clones” and how things could have been improved with that one.

…and it bothers me that it would have been so much better if Lucas had just been a little more liberal with the knife.

I mean, any story is better if you cut the fat. Cut out the bullshit and try to make a long story short… It works in writing and it works in cinema too. I mean, think about this — did they REALLY need to define the Force in Star Wars Part 1 as a fucking parasite in the blood? Absolutely not. What about Back to the Future? Did they need to show Marty’s mom acting really irresponsible more than they did in the final version of the film? Nope, and it worked. They didn’t need to show Marty drugging his father to get him to go back to sleep either… Both shots were cut out from the final version of the movie (but available on the DVD) and would have given just a bit too much information. It wasn’t important that they were in the final version of the film but then again it would have been strange if they had been.

Any Star Wars faithful would balk at the idea of C3PO and R2D2 being cut out from Episodes 1 and 2 but honestly – what point do they serve besides comic relief? Couldn’t there have been written quips in characters lines in order to get them some comic relief in the film? Also the stunning false visuals that they had too many of in Episode 2 needed to be trimmed down a bit. It got to be useless and annoying to see CGI everywhere. Don’t get me wrong, they painted a stunning picture but at the same time, nothing was real (and there’s nothing to get hung about, strawberry fields forever). It wasn’t like they hand-designed miniatures as they had in the first film which awed movie goers because every visual WAS real to an extent.

CGI is good in moderation (as long as you have a good movie attached to the CGI), but over doing it… well, that just bores people. I had that problem when I saw The Matrix Revolutions but I could live with it – the story made up for short comings of reality.

Maybe I’m just too picky with things? Eh, take out the maybe. I AM too picky with things. But then again, if I wasn’t, I wouldn’t be leading my true life.

Act for Change?

I signed up with Act For Change web site a few years ago to protest stuff going on with the election – and then with some of Bush’s choices for government. Working Assets is supposed to be a sit that tries to rally citizens to do things for the better and provide a voice of the people to government.

…Just why the hell are they trying to get me to sign up for long distance phone service? I signed up to be an activist – not a capitalist.

They are a non-profit organization… Why are they sending me note-pads and address labels? Why not use those resources to help their own cause? Why is a group that’s has decried special interests treating me like a special interest and coddling me with the most mundane things? Mailing labels? Ben and Jerry’s Ice Cream?

Just food for thought.

The Air of Destiny

The Air of Destiny

The air of destiny
Often starts as a odorless breeze
Lacking resemblence of what it will become

Time passes, fools come into power
Rivers forge new banks with the spring flood
And the scent lingers on the air
Guiding its minions and revelars on a collision course with

Tides change and the air grows heavy
You find yourself enthused on a rocky trail
Breathing in the alotment of your life
Feeling a drive inside you
And a lusting hunger for the
Sweet scent that surrounds you

And at long last, the air of destiny blows at a torrent
Hair whipping in the cutting breeze
It is your duty to face this
Accept it
Nurture it
Make love to it

Or face damnation by fleeing from it

© 2003 John P. Fontana

Positives and Negatives

I started out yesterday just going through the motions on things – it progressively got better until I went off on Bill but in a constructive manner… Telling him he needs to stop talking / focusing on the negatives so much and find a positive and look forward to a positive in life. And things just felt GOOD after that rant.

I figured that was exactly what I needed as well – focus on the positives and not the negatives, because God knows I am surrounded by enough negatives as is. Of course my mind didn’t become a total disaster until my one major positive turned into a major negative for me but that is besides the point a bit.

Actually it’s not besides the point… but it’s an unacknowledged fact from the positive.

Anyway, back to what I was saying, things went good for the most part yesterday after I ranted to BIll. I was happy with my writing – I sent out notes to everyone asking them to read some stories and get back to me because I needed input and I haven’t heard back from anyone — that’s a negative. In fact, there are certain people I haven’t heard back from after asking them quesitons and projecting an image that I am too interested in them and not just looking to be friends – that’s another negative (and a very big one at that). My self esteem is wavering because of stuff like this. I could be doing much better if people would realize what they do – the most mundane stuff – does effect others.

SO right now I am down, nursing a Mike’s Hard Ice Tea and trying my best to stay awake. I took my time getting this entry up because I found a cartoon that really told the tale of my heart right now but at the same time I don’t have permission to repost this cartoon and I won’t (because I am such a nice guy) until I do.

Tomorrow is… Well, tomorrow is something to me that dwells on the heartbreak. More then.


As of starting this writing, there are a lot of things that are going through my head right now that I wanted to enter in here, but at the same time I need to give some order to the chaos, right? First things first, second things second and all that… right?

The first thing is the balance of the soul — Equilibrium.

Actually, I’m not writing about balance directly or about Libra or about the soul and all that deep shit that I could get into right now. Instead I’m writing about the movie Equilibrium with Christian Bale. Now I’ve talked about wanting to see The Matrix Re-Woah-ded and seeing I haven’t, this makes one very acceptable substitute in my mind. No bullet time and the action sequences weren’t as sped up as The Matrix, but the idea of Gun Kata (a martial art that makes the gun as lethal as a sword) and this 1984 / Fahrenheit 451 / The Matrix inspired film was excellent in it’s own right.

The premise of this film that got my attention the most, however, was the emotion=crime / war / man’s destruction premise. I couldn’t feel Sunday morning besides sorrow or numbness. I started watching the movie and I could identify with Bale encountering emotion for what was probably the first (or a fresh) time. It was like me receiving sound again by way of the ABI in
He is overcome by trivial things such as a sunrise and other emotions and it’ s… just powerful. Of course they could have overkilled that (or maybe it would have been proper?) by showing more imagery like that — having the character just staring at something we take for granted every day and finding emotion (pleasure) in it? That would have been strong too.

As things go, I’ve got 2 papers I may very well use for my 2nd Assignment with der Long Ridge. I’m waiting to hear from my instructor, Lou Fisher, about a question that I had concerning the paper and hopefully that will be soon. I’m also waiting for Sarah Evanchalk to get back to me with regards to the stories — I sent them both to her for her to critique.

Speaking of stories, I’m also waiting for someone to get back to me on a story I touched on a few days ago on here. I think it’s a good story but it could be cleaned up a bit.. And I long to be able to piece together some of the things I touched on with this story by starting another portion of the thing.. I know, I know – vague, but it’ll become apparent soon enough I hope.

I’m also thinking things I shouldn’t be – or I had been thinking things I shouldn’t be. Now I have regrets and I started believing things that aren’t true any more. Talk about a fucking roller coaster with emotions.. And also another vagueness that I apologize to the masses for reading. The person who that would mean something won’t even see this, so it’s not like I’m doing anything by publishing it.

Oh well, more ttomorrow – got stuff on my mind and got time to write.

Stumblin' on a Neon Grove

I’m really struggling right now personally. The soul-sickness is just progressively getting worse instead of getting better. I had felt better a few weeks ago after I had identified the problem and I had other people come back into my life in minor ways here and there and things seemed to be getting back to normal.

Then others reared there head without thinking I needed time and distance from them and the whole deck of cards came crumbling down because of it. My last entry closes out by saying exactly why the deck of cards fell. Time heals wounds and I wasn’t afforded time, so to speak.

And now nothing feels right in the world again. Nothing at all. People don’t get back to me, people don’t want to open up. The entire world has gone conservative besides those who can afford to open their heart – those who never truly left my life and are comfortable with me being a part of it because they have security around them and they want me secure too.

So I wake up in the morning right now and I don’t see a reason to get out of bed — maybe my set routine of reading the newspaper or taking a shower ends up doing it — but I struggle from that point on. I’ve reached out to friends, strangers and others in the past few weeks but I still feel hollow inside, a hole in my soul if you will. I keep expecting something to come up and distract me from all of this – something I can invest myself in that doesn’t require me to dwell on my thoughts as my writing does, and that investment of time and thought cure me of what ills me… Yet that does not happened. Target talked about wanting me back when they fired me but they have not acted like it, my limbs are too weak right now for me to do work anyway (and that is an entirely different story).

I feel like I ought to close up shop — no one in or out of my life unless they are attempting to reach me, not me pouring out my heart and soul to others like I have done. I spent hours last night trying to get into someone’s head and help them out but… It just bummed me out at the same time. I brought this person up in an entry called Seeing Past Yourself last month… And unfortunately no one seems to be able to do that – see past your own personal wants and own personal logic and look from someone else’s shoes and try to understand them and try to comfort them.

I don’t hold out hope for the human race as it stands right now – i always had such a longing desire to see Man overcome it’s weaknesses and selfishness and thrive to better everyone on the planet… Instead, we want to be paid, fed and fucked… And that just continues the stumbling of my head and heart on the neon groves.