Bun's in the oven
Something is troubling me and it’s a blessid experiences that is culmnivating for a few of my friends right now. I’ve already made brief mention of it here on der Stoengauge but I haven’t really gone into it besides some surface concerns.
I hsve three friends — potentially four — who are pregnant. I’ve made mention of Terra being prregnant, and I made mention of Michelle being pregnant. I didn’t make mention of my younger brother’s ex-girlfriend (and close family friend) Aileen being pregnant (and much farther along than the other two girls)… This one was the first in the series of pregnancies that have come up…
And now? Melanie is late and she’s planning on taking a home pregnancy test soon.
Melanie also went ahead and said I sounded like having children was a bad thing. I felt bad because I have conveyed that image to her. Having children isn’t bad, it’s more like my state of mind right now that is making it out to be bad. It’s me – not them. It’s inexperience and loneliness talking.
I thought, in essence, having a child leads you into another stage of your life. You’re born, you’re raised, and when you become a certain age you enter anotehr stage of yoru life. Maybe I shouldn’t say age but an event? Maybe your sexual awakening, maybe something that just pushes you into having to act beyond your years…
I feel like I’m stuck at a certain stage of my life and that everyone else is eclipsing me. Love, marriage, kids… I’m so ready for more and yet I’m not ready to deal with the big issues of marriage and children (or vice versa if events unfold that way).
unsolicited comments here: If you feel you are not ready, then you are not ready. At one point I too felt as if I were being eclipsed. All of my friends had grown up, married, and started having kids. I resented them a little for abandoning me, but tried to understand, and maintain the friendships. the truth is it didn’t really work. Married friends and those with family have new and different interests and priorities. Boring to me as a single guy. But i sure didn’t want to get married, either. So I was very lonely for quite a while. And I too felt “stuck” I learned to adjust without many (any?) close friends. At times it downright sucked. But it was mostly ok. So then I met a girl, we married, got kids (not necessarily in that order). And now I see what the familied and married were doing – and looking at it now, it is comparatively boring, although I feel more responsible and more important. And here’s the kicker. I’m still not as close to those old friends as I once was. along with family comes less time – MUCH less time – for former friendships. We all maintain contact, and get together now and again, but life is completely different now. You are 100% correct when you say “having a child leads you into another stage of your life” – and it’s more like “forces” rather than “leads.” Anyway, I’m happy now. I waited for “the one.” If I had rushed into something else, I am certain I would very unhappy – immensely more unhappy than I was when I was the only single in the (outside the?) circle.
Tommy made some excellent points, now keep reading it till you remember all of it.