How do I preface this one?
You support someone who is deployed, and they break yoru heart. You go on supporting them because it bothers you to abandon them when you know they’re not enjoying what they’re doing and the entire environment being miserable…
And when they get home, they’re able to get back into their world but they keep you out of it… and yet, keep you in it in an impersonal way.
I can deal with her being involved with someone else. I’ve accepted that. What I can’t deal with is seeing her and reaching out to her in the most casual of personal fashions – asking “How are you” via email – and being ignored… While she publicly displays having time on her hands, including tagging me in images on Facebook after I sent said email.
So, for my own sake, I had to shut the door. This is an unsent email follow up to the aforementioned, ignored email.
The lack of reply (to this and that letter-scan that I sent weeks ago on Facebook) gives me the hint. After all thatâ€™s been said and done, Iâ€™m sorry for latching on and involving myself to the point youâ€™d rather keep a distance. I donâ€™t regret, though.
Iâ€™ll be quick to admit I hadnâ€™t exactly reached out socially much since you returned home, and I guess maybe thatâ€™s just put off this inevitability. Itâ€™s hard for me to try to normalize things between us as friends if all weâ€™ve got are quick remarks on Facebook and an awkwardness when it comes to any personal contact. Life is riddled with too many uninvolved friendships and acquaintances that falling into another one, with you of all people, just doesnâ€™t appeal to me.
You know how to reach me, down more avenues than one, if you ever should need someone to talk to or confide in. And you donâ€™t need to hear this, Iâ€™m saying it more for me, but for what itâ€™s worth – I forgave you long ago for things. I tried to say as much in a subtle fashion through email, letters and poems, but subtle in the black-and-white of the float didnâ€™t seem to translate, or at least got no response.
Best wishes and good luck to you, Jaden and Aaron, wherever the journey of life should take you.
I keep clinging to people who have one-way relationships with me: their way. And the reason is, for a time, they tried to get themselves involved in my world – and I accepted them with open arms and love.
After this instance, after she traveled more than 15,000 miles and was reached out to with 38 letters (all of which she did not receive) and care packages… After giving her space and time upon arriving home… I just have to let her go. My patience is gone, my big heart keeps trying to make an excuse for her – one that doesn’t exist.
I removed her from my Facebook friends list today. She knows how to contact me in more ways than one, though. But she won’t. She’ll blame herself when she realizes what happened (if she reacts at all)… There’s a chance, then, that she’ll contact me, perhaps lash out at me… But more likely she’ll just stew before digressing and moving on.
And me? I need to move on. Christ, I’ve needed to move on for a year… Fate, it seems, will not afford me the opportunity though.